Baby Fever

I've always had baby fever. Whenever I see babies or toddlers I get so excited to be a mom. Not in the "Oh my gosh I wanna pop out a baby right now" kinda way, but in the "Oh my gosh motherhood is gonna be so awesome" kinda way. I just see a baby and get excited. That is, I used to get excited...until I saw this picture. Talk about creepy. Yes, I've always known when you're pregnant you have a fetus inside you and you are growing an actual human being inside you. Duh. But I saw this picture and I was like, "Holy crap. There's an actual human being growing inside of that woman." I don't know why it's so different to me all of a sudden. Like, that's a FOOT! A freaking foot! Complete with five stinkin' toes. You can see them! It's like, INSIDE HER! It's....weird. And kinda creepy. And now, I'm totally turned off....yes, I am still excited to be a mom. But now I'm questioning the whole pregnancy thing...now I'm just creeped out...but then again, the more I look at that picture, I think it's pretty freakin' cool.

Dancin' in Your Underwear Kinda Music

I'll admit it - I dance around in my underwear in the morning. Every morning. It's one of the perks of being an RA and getting your own room. :) Seriously though, there's no better way than to start your day jammin' out to some great pumpin' music in the morning while you get ready. It just sets the mood for the day. I get energized and excited and ready to take on anything that comes my way that day. And let's face it, it's always more fun to dance in your underwear.

Anywho, I AM going somewhere with this, I swear. So, I have a playlist that I usually listen to in the morning to get me pumped. It's got some good rockin' music. I've got like "Anyway You Want It" by Journey, "Wild at Heart" by Gloriana, "Starstrukk" by 3OH!3, and many other good rockin' songs. But the thing is, I'm getting kinda tired of my playlist...I need new music to rock out to. So! Any suggestions? What are some great, pumpin' mood-setting tunes to rock out to in the morning?

Bubbles

I am a facebooker...of course, who isn't these days? I always love when I log on and I have a friend request waiting for me. It gives me warm fuzzies! I feel popular! Hahaha. Yeah, I know, lame. But seriously, it makes me feel good. Then I click to see who it is, and it's no one I know. We have no friends in common, we're from different states, what the heck?! Who is this person and why are they requesting to be my friend? And as suddenly as my balloon was filled with excitement, it's totally popped. They pop my bubble. And it's not easy to pop my bubble, I'm a pretty bubbly person.

I was thinking about this today after rejecting some guy from California I had never met before, and I was thinking of all the simple pleasures in life that fill my bubble. For instance, when you see someone walking down the street and they trip. But it's like one of those half trips, and they kinda stumble for like 5 steps, and then after they regain their balance they quick look around to see if anyone saw what just happened. Yup, even though I'm stifling a laugh and looking the other way, I totally saw you. And my bubble was totally filled.

Or when it's snowing outside and all the paths on campus are ridiculously slippery. And I see a good friend of mine slip and fall on the pavement about 30 feet infront of me, so I pull out my phone to text him, "Did you have a nice trip?" and while I'm texting I slip on the exact same patch of ice he did. And then I'm laying on my back unable to get back up because my backpack weighs more than I do and it's too slippery to get a grip, so some big dude I don't even know comes and lifts me up and sets me down on a dry patch. Oh yes, bubble completely filled!

Or like when I'm sitting in an exceptionally boring, exceptionally long lecture and the person sitting in front of me is struggling to stay awake. At first, my bubble slowly starts to fill because it's fun to watch their head slowly droop down then suddenly snap back upright. But then, after they've successfully fallen asleep, the person next to them sneezes violently making the sleeping student jump and jerk awake, complete with a huge loud snort. Priceless. And bubble filled yet again.

Or when I'm leaving a store and I push the door to exit, except it doesn't budge. So I push harder. Still no budge. Then I start freaking out telling myself I got locked in the store. Why the heck does the store close at 2 in the freakin' afternoon?! Then my friend comes and pulls the door open, and I die laughing. Bubble soooo totally filled.

Alas, there are so many simple pleasures in life. So many things that make me laugh and totally fill my bubble. What fills your bubble?!

Valentine's Day is NOT Singles Awareness Day

I am getting sooo sick of girls saying that Valentine's Day is a dumb holiday and is "Singles Awareness Day." Yes, the holiday has become highly commercialized (what holiday hasn't?), and yes, it revolves mostly around "significant others." But it's not a day about romantic relationships; it's a day about love, and love, as we all know, occurs on so many levels with many different people in our lives.

It's one day of the year dedicated to showing love to people in our lives. That means our parents, siblings, friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, and yes, significant others. It means doing random acts of love, or giving cards, treats, or gifts. It means telling someone you love them and that you appreciate them.

So all you girls whining out there that you don't have a boyfriend - open your eyes. There's more to love than that. Stop whining that you don't have someone to sweep you off your feet or spoil you or shower you with gifts on Valentine's Day. Stop throwing pity parties. Instead, go out there and show the people in your life that you love them. Instead, start being appreciative for the awesome life you have and the amazing people you have in your life.

Friends Come and Go

I don't really know what to do anymore. I feel so alone so much of the time. I feel like my friends are dropping like flies. I feel like the people I thought I knew are so different...either they're changing or I am. How can you tell which one? Maybe we both are, just in opposite directions. I don't know what to do anymore. I took all the pics down in my room. My dorm room walls were covered in photos of my "friends" and I. I took them down. I got sick of looking at them every day. Half the people in those pictures were no longer my friends, and half of them don't even know me because I keep my relationships so shallow.

I used to be okay with that, with having shallow relationships. I had enough deep friendships, the friends that I could talk to about anything, that having lots of shallow friendships was okay. But now, well now the only deep friendships I have left are three people - one being a cousin and another my boyfriend, who happens to be about 1500 miles away and someone I'm not allowed to or see for the next 17 months. *sigh*

I have a lot friends. I have a lot of people I can hang out with and have a hoot of a time. I just only have three I can open up to, or trust. I just only have three who know the "real" me. Maybe that's okay, maybe I don't need more than three. Maybe I just think I do since in high school I had a whole gang of people I considered my "best" friends. Some days I really miss those days. I miss the "Good Ol' Gang" all hanging out every weekend; playing pool, movie nights, bonfires, poker nights. I miss those nights. But maybe it's okay that those people are out of my life now...I mean, isn't that part of growing up? You aren't seriously gonna be "friends forever" with every single one of your friends, right?

I wish things were easier. I wish life was easier. But what's the point in wishing? You take life day by day and make the most of everything that comes your way. So I look at my situation now, and I know I just need to make the most of it. I need to be happy with what I have because I have so many blessings. The friends I do have, even if our relationships are shallow, are still amazing, wonderful, fun people. And the deep relationships I have are amazingly perfect friendships. Some people don't even have one of those, so I should be ecstatic with three. So I look at my life and think, "Even though it's hard, it is still stinkin' amazing and I love it!" :)

The Prayer

The world spins faster and faster

As every minute flies on by

It gets heavier on my shoulders

With every tear and heavy sigh

Some days I can't get out of bed

Some days I want to hide

I forget the most important thing:

That you are always at my side

You sent your only son for me

For me he died upon the cross

The greatest act of true pure love

That within me's often lost

I don't remember as much as I should

How deeply your love flows

Or just how strong you care for me

Or how you help me grow

Through the raging howling thunderstorms

Through dark and starless nights

You never leave my hurting side

Your love makes everything alright

Each time I fall you pick me up

When I cry you dry my tears

In the dead of the night as the wind howls by

You hear my voice and answer my prayers

I'm sorry I'm not a better daughter

I'm sorry I often forget you

But I promise to do much better now

I promise to thee I'll stay true

I promise to count my blessings more

And to give thanks for all you've given me

I promise to stop forgetting they love

And to spend more time on my knees

So Father, Father hear my prayer

And watch me from above

Let thy Spirit fill my heart

And cloak me in thy love

Help your light to shine from me

And be an example unto all

Grant me strength in all my days

And continue to lift me when I fall

Waiting for a Missionary...What does it mean?

So I am waiting for my missionary. What exactly does that mean?

It means I check my mail four times a day every day. And it means the days I do get a letter from my missionary are the best days ever!!...until I realize that the fact that I got a letter means I won't be getting one tomorrow. Then I just feel sad again. It means I am crazy, but strong. It means I have a companion who is amazingly strong in his faith, has a great love for his Heavenly Father, and who is doing the incredible work of dedicating two whole years to serving the Lord. It means I suffer from "Invisble Boyfriend Syndrome." It means I write in my journal a lot more than I used to. It means I accidentally call his number when anything big and exciting happens only to get his voicemail and start crying - which also shows you it means that I'm stupid. It means that as his testimony grows, my testimony grows. It means on Tuesdays when he emails I don't focus in any classes and I have butterflies all day. It means I'm always on the lookout for cool ties to send him.

I love my missionary. And sure, at 11:11 I secretly wish for him to come home early from his mission. But truth be told, if he did, I would smack him upside the head and make him get his butt back out there. Why? Because I love him more than I could ever explain and I am so incredibly proud of him and the work he is doing. Sure, it's ridiculously hard, and there are a lot of tears that are shed, but ya know what? Two years out of eternity together is really not that big of deal.

I love my missionary.