Parker Hall Staff

It's weird how significantly someone can impact your life when you're least expecting it. I went into this school year thinking it was going to be just like another year: another year as an RA, another year in Res Life, another year as a student, just another year...but I was so wrong.

I have a hard time opening up to people. I have a lot of friends, but all those friendships are kept on such shallow levels. I don't let anyone inside. I've realized through life that it's easier to keep everyone out, because everyone, even those you trust the most, will hurt you at some point or another, and it's easier to take the pain if you keep your relationships shallow. The less invested you are in someone, the less pain you'll feel. So I have hardly any deep, real friendships. Until this year...

I wasn't happy about being on an all-female staff this year; I don't get along well with girls. Girls are mean. They talk behind your back, they spread rumors, they lie, they're two-faced, they're just plain mean. Guys, guys will tell you straight up if they're mad at you; girls, girls spread rumors to get back at you for whatever you did to piss them off. So anywho, I wasn't happy about being on an all-female staff, and I didn't think it was going to be a great year...

...But I have met some of the most amazing girls, and developed some pretty amazing friendships. These girls have become my sisters. The Parker Hall Staff has become my family. We all have so much fun together, and we're all so close. We can to each other about anything and everything. We can laugh together until our stomachs hurt or cry together until we have no more tears left. We help each other through hard times together, and we share in each other's ups and downs. These girls have helped me learn that even though it's scary, it is totally and completely worth letting people into my heart. I have even been able to open up to these girls enough to cry to them about Thomas - - and that is saying  a lot!

I have so much fun with these girls! We have so many inside jokes, so many memories. I don't remember half of them and the specifics, I just remember laughing sooo much! We have a "no holds" rule in Parker, kind of a "anything goes" type thing...we talk about anything and everything. From the most inappropriate sexual innuendos, to farting and burping around each other, to talking about family and friends to scaring each other to movie nights to telling ghost stories. No matter what we're talking about or doing, we're always having fun. Staff meetings aren't meetings, they're hang outs. Duties aren't duties, they're social time. Food fights and shower parties. Wonton cooking and makeovers. Parker Staff grinding train at Fall Ball! Bracelet making. We just love spending time together. We just love each other.

This past year at UW-River Falls has been one I will never forget. I thought with Tom gone, it was going to be the longest, hardest, lonliest year of my life, but in reality, it has turned out to be the most life-changing, wonderfully fun year of my life. I will forever have a place for my Parker Ladies in my heart, and I will forever remember my year as an RA in Parker Hall. I love these girls, they've helped me discover what it means to be a real friend.

Happy Four Years Hunnie!

I am so in love; like hard core, head over heels, can't sleep, can't focus, driven crazy in love. I have the most AmAzInG boyfriend in the world!! And why is he so stinkin' amazing? Because he loves me more than I could ever explain in words. And of course the fact that he's a missionary gives him bonus points! ;)

 The day I fell in love with Tom is the day my world changed forever. He makes me feel so special, like I am worth something. It's the way he loves me, how much he loves me. It amazes me. I've never been special, but Thomas, Thomas looks at me and he sees an amazing person in me. He thinks I'm wonderful. He makes me feel like I'm flying. He is hands down the most romantic person I have ever met. To sit here and list everything he's done that's so romantic and cute and sweet would take forever. He's always doing cute little things all the time, saying sweet nothings. Roses and chocolates on random days, calling me gorgeous 800 times a day, playing piano for me, random "I love you" phone calls. GAH! So sweet...and on big days, like anniversaries and birthdays, man, that boy goes ALL OUT! He loves to show me how much he loves me, always showering me with love and affection...and I try my best to return the sentiment, even though I'm not nearly as creative as he is...

It was our four year anniversary last week. Four years. Wow. It still sounds weird saying that. It feels like just yesterday we were standing in his doorway having our very first kiss, or just yesterday we were sitting at Benihana's on our first official date as boyfriend and girlfriend. *sigh* That boy is amazing. This year, even though he's on his mission, he still managed to make our anniversary amazingly special. First, he had my favorite flowers, yellow tulips, delivered to my dorm room! It was the most amazing surprise! Totally unexpected! Then the next day I got a package from him! It was filled with all sorts of amazing heartfelt goodies! He made me a DVD of him playing piano for me and  talking to me! It was sooo great to hear his voice and listen to him play! And he wrote me a letter reliving our first date with side notes about what he was thinking while we were together and how much he was falling in love with me right away!! And he sent me some more cologne! mmmm....and TONS of chocolate!! Gotta have lots of that around when you're waiting for a missionary...haha. And he made me a couple drawings, my favorite one pictured here...it's AMAZING!! In case you can't find everything, it says: Katie, April 14, Best Four Years, Eternity, and I'm Yours. And the poem is BEYOND cuuuute! I cried! And he gave me a necklace that's a circle with "eternity" engraved in it. I love this man so much!!

Even on his mission, he still makes my heart races, the butterflies in my stomach swarm, and my head spin. He still drives me wild. He makes me drunk on love...I just can't get enough of him! He is the most amazing person ever to walk into my life, and I cannot wait for him to come home to me and start the rest of our lives together! <3 For time and all eternity! <3

Just Keep Swimming

*sigh* I am going through a really hard time lately. I just want to crawl under a rock and disappear. I am struggling to keep my head above water, struggling to stay strong in my faith. We are told so many times that if we stay strong in faith, if we endure with faith to the end, that God will reward us with blessings. We are told God is always there for us, always loving us, always holding us and guiding us, and that if we turn to him, we can make it through anything. But I feel like I can't. I feel like I've been swimming and swimming, treading water to stay afloat, and I've been doing it for so long my arms and legs are so  tired, they just can't take it anymore.

It's my family. Course, when isn't it my family? I've been in such a rotten slump ever since Easter. I got into three fights with my parents over Easter weekend. THREE! In one weekend. We had one each day. First I was told I wasn't allowed to go to church with the whole family because they're embarassed to be seen in church with me ever since I converted to Mormonism, because now they have to explain to people why I don't take communion and it's embarassing to tell them I'm Mormon now. So I'm not "allowed" to go to church with them anymore on Easter or Christmas. Then we got into a huge fight over my wedding. They told me they weren't going to come to my wedding because they don't support me being Mormon...nevermind that it's the happiest day of their daughter's life. Nope. I'm Mormon now, that doesn't matter. Then the next day we got into yet another fight because they refused to apologize for the things they said. Instead, they told me that I  was the one who needed to apologize. I should be apologizing for putting my family through all this embarassment and these troubles, and for being inconsiderate of my family's feelings. That I'm selfish and I had no right to get baptized. *sigh*

I'm tired of fighting. I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of not having a family. I'm tired of not being accepted for who I am. I just wish my family would see how happy the church makes me. I wish they could see how happy Thomas makes me and how much he loves not only me, but the Lord too. I wish God would help me. I feel like I've been praying for ever and ever and nothing's changing. Okay, I shouldn't say that. Look at my sister and me. We are starting to build a relationship - that's a huge imporvement. God is helping me...I just wish He would help more. I'm losing my strength. My arms and legs are getting tired from treading water for too long. I'm trying to stay strong in my scripture study and my praying. I'm trying to stay strong in my testimony, but it's really being tested right now. Sometimes I find myself thinking, "What is the point?" or "What did I get myself into?" I've never been a part of my family, and now, well now I don't think I ever will be. Not if my family can't accept me for who I am.

I guess I just need to take a tip from Dory for now and "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."

Sometimes

Sometimes I feel like I have no where to turn.

Sometimes I feel like the sun's shining rays are God's way of keeping me smiling.

Sometimes I laugh until I cry.

Sometimes I feel like I try too hard to make others happy and forget to take care of myself.

Sometimes I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Sometimes I feel like the world's worst person.

Sometimes I wanna stand on the rooftop and shout my joy for Christ.

Sometimes I just wanna quit.

Sometimes I dance to music in my own beat.

Sometimes that smile on my face is a mask to all I am hiding.

Sometimes I lie so people won't ask me questions.

Sometimes I get too protective of the people I love.

Sometimes I can't open up to people or trust them.

Sometimes I can't stop laughing.

Sometimes I don't know where I fit.

Sometimes I dwell on the past too much.

Sometimes I can't resist dancing in the rain.

Sometimes I worry bout the future.

Sometimes I laugh too loud.

Sometimes my heart is aching.

Sometimes I am having the time of my life.

Sometimes I don't feel like smiling.

Sometimes I am in my own little world.

Sometimes I just wanna break down and cry for hours.

Sometimes I feel fan-freakin-tablous.

Sometimes I hold too much stuff inside.

Sometimes I miss the good ol' days.

Sometimes I go picture crazy with my camera.

Sometimes I trip over my own feet.

Sometimes the world is spinning too fast.

Sometimes I am a total ditz.

Sometimes I throw away prescious time.

Sometimes I am high on life.

Sometimes I can't wipe that smile off my face.

Sometimes I sing in the shower.

Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.

Sometimes I wish my life wasn't the way that it is.

Sometimes I regret a lot of the things I have done.

Sometimes I wanna punch a hole through the wall

Sometimes I never wanna let you go.

Sometimes I just wanna get on my knees and pray.

Sometimes I am a good listener.

Sometimes I feel like I don't live up to anyone's expectations.

Sometimes I worry that I won't make it without you.

Sometimes I am the giddiest girl you will meet.

Sometimes I am crazy.

I am always me.

It's That Time...!!

There's lots of talk about weddings it seems these days. I am getting to that age where all my friends and peers around me are getting engaged or married. It's kinda fun! I love talking about weddings. And of course I love going to weddings! It's weird though, being at that age where you're getting married and planning out the rest of your life...

Tom and I are at that stage. I mean, sure, we've always talked about getting married, and our future together, and our babies, and our dogs, and all that jazz... but now, now it's like for real talking about it. We've been talking about it in our letters, because he wants to get things figured out so that everything's settled and ready to go when he comes home! It's very exciting! But very scary...we've been talking about moving out to Idaho once I finish school. I'll have a year left after he comes home, so he'll do his generals at the community college, then once I'm done, we're likely going to be moving out to Idaho so he can go to BYU-I and I'll teach out there...it works out really well actually. I was told I probably won't be able to get a job in the midwest right anyway. My advisors have always told me I would probably have to move either south or west and get a couple years of experience there before I could teach in the midwest anyway. I think that sounds kinda shady, but whatever, it works for mine and Tom's plan. :) Actually, one week while we were talking about it, he made the comment about how everything in our lives fall into place together so perfectly, that it's proof to him we were made for each other! Awww, I know, right?! haha :D


So that's the married life, but we've also started talking about our wedding too! We are going to have a regular ring ceremony first right away so that my whole family can come to the wedding. Then later we'll get sealed in the temple. :) I've already started my wedding book! I've got ideas for flowers, center pieces, colors, and all that jazz going! Tom said I could start planning things as long as I understood he has the power to "veto" anything he doesn't like when he comes home. Hahaha...I just hope I can get him to be okay with the color yellow...he hates yellow! Of course that had to be my favorite color...haha. Originally we were going to wait to get married until after Tom finished school, but now we're thinking much much sooner...like shortly after he's home! It's soo weird talking about this! Even though it feels like forever until he comes home to me, it feels like our future is right around the corner! It's crazy to talk about jobs, and getting a house, and planning a wedding! It makes me feel old, like I am officially an adult now!! As long as baby talk stays away for a while, I'll be okay...