Today is Tom's 21st birthday!! And better yet?? Our last birthday apart!! WOOHOO!!
I am still working on his package, I'm so stinkin busy I never get more than 20 minutes at a time to make any progress on it, but I'm super excited about it! I've got him some England apparel (of course), the Missionaries Book of Quotes that's totally awesome and full of uplifting and powerful quotes about things like perseverence, obedience, honor, etc. Pretty much perfect for missionaries. It's got quotes by famous people and church leaders and scriptures too. Pretty much awesome. I kinda wish I woulda found it sooner since he'll only have 8 months left when he gets it, but oh well. He'll still love it!
I also made him (well, I am in the process of making him) this totally awesome book collage thing. Half of it is pictures of us with quotes and scriptures about love, and the other half is pictures from his mission with quotes and scriptures about missionary work. So far, it looks pretty dang awesome! And I've still gotta find some sweets and treats to fill it with too!
*sigh* The last birthday. Man, that feels pretty dang good. And November is right around the corner and you know what that means?? Only 8 more months!! We'll be done to the last 1/3 of his mission!! Slow and steady wins the race!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Pick-Me-Up
So I'm off to see my best friend in about four hours. I'm pretty stoked. My visit could not have been arranged at a more impeccable time. Why is that you say? Because I feel like I have been uber down lately and am in major need of some bestie time.
Now, nobody on the face of the planet, with the exception of Thomas, would have any idea how hard of a time I've been having lately...and well, now, anyone who's reading this now knows I haven't been okay. But I pride myself on that, on being able to paint a smile on my face and keep the hurt buried inside.
It's not being fake. I hope I don't come across that way. But I just truly believe in living every day as full as possible. I believe in making the absolute best in every moment - you never know when it's going to be your last. Which is why I smile, laugh, and pretend I'm not barely held together by a thread.
I want to enjoy life. I want to have a hoot every day. I relish in the simple pleasures of life. I want to notice how blue the sky is, how sweet the flowers smell, how soft the wind is on my cheek. I want to cherish everything. I want to laugh until I cry (which doesn't take much). I want to laugh so hard my side feels like it's about to tear. I want to be spontaneous and crazy and silly. I want to always be smiling.
But no matter how happy I am on the outside, no matter how sincere it is, my heart is always aching. Thomas is flippin' everywhere, in everything, and it is so incredibly hard to stop thinking about him. It is so hard to push him out of my head - I am never successful. When I'm walking on a gorgeous fall day, he's there. He's holding my hand, laughing with me, playing with my hair. When I'm talking with my friends, he's there. He's laughing at our jokes, throwing his sarcastic humor in the conversation. When I'm playing Halo (a recent hobby I'm picking up), he's there. He's making fun of horribly awful I am. When I'm driving in the car, he's there. He's holding my hand, kissing me at red lights, and secretly recording embarrassing videos on his phone of me dancing and singing at the top of my lungs to the radio.
Every day I hurt. Every day I miss him. Every day I can't escape him. I love it and I hate it. I love that he hasn't disappeared from my life or my memory like I was afraid he would. I love that he is still so much a part of my life and who I am. I love that I am so in love that it causes me to constantly be thinking about him. But I hate it. I hate that I can't ever escape him because it makes living without him so hard. I hate that I can't ever focus on studying or homework or in class or meetings because I'm thinking about him. I hate that every night I go to bed my heart breaks and I cry because all I want to do is call him and hear his voice and tell him about my day. I hate missing him but I love having him to miss.
And it seems like lately the pain has been extra big. I don't know why that is. Perhaps it's being back at school. So many new and exciting things are always happening and I want to tell him all about them and I can't. Perhaps it's because now that I'm back at school, I am constantly reminded how he's not here. I am surrounded by couples who get to hold hands, get to kiss, get to eat lunch and dinner, get to visit each other's rooms, get to be together, and I don't get any of that. Perhaps it's just that I've been doing this whole waiting thing for over 15 months now and I'm exhausted. Perhaps it's everything put together.
Whatever the reason, I'm glad I am going to visit my bestie this weekend. I need some girl time with my best friend. I need to get away. I need a very big pick-me-up, and nothing is a better pick-me-up than quality girl time with my Christie...well, playing with puppies just might be...
Now, nobody on the face of the planet, with the exception of Thomas, would have any idea how hard of a time I've been having lately...and well, now, anyone who's reading this now knows I haven't been okay. But I pride myself on that, on being able to paint a smile on my face and keep the hurt buried inside.
It's not being fake. I hope I don't come across that way. But I just truly believe in living every day as full as possible. I believe in making the absolute best in every moment - you never know when it's going to be your last. Which is why I smile, laugh, and pretend I'm not barely held together by a thread.
I want to enjoy life. I want to have a hoot every day. I relish in the simple pleasures of life. I want to notice how blue the sky is, how sweet the flowers smell, how soft the wind is on my cheek. I want to cherish everything. I want to laugh until I cry (which doesn't take much). I want to laugh so hard my side feels like it's about to tear. I want to be spontaneous and crazy and silly. I want to always be smiling.
But no matter how happy I am on the outside, no matter how sincere it is, my heart is always aching. Thomas is flippin' everywhere, in everything, and it is so incredibly hard to stop thinking about him. It is so hard to push him out of my head - I am never successful. When I'm walking on a gorgeous fall day, he's there. He's holding my hand, laughing with me, playing with my hair. When I'm talking with my friends, he's there. He's laughing at our jokes, throwing his sarcastic humor in the conversation. When I'm playing Halo (a recent hobby I'm picking up), he's there. He's making fun of horribly awful I am. When I'm driving in the car, he's there. He's holding my hand, kissing me at red lights, and secretly recording embarrassing videos on his phone of me dancing and singing at the top of my lungs to the radio.
Every day I hurt. Every day I miss him. Every day I can't escape him. I love it and I hate it. I love that he hasn't disappeared from my life or my memory like I was afraid he would. I love that he is still so much a part of my life and who I am. I love that I am so in love that it causes me to constantly be thinking about him. But I hate it. I hate that I can't ever escape him because it makes living without him so hard. I hate that I can't ever focus on studying or homework or in class or meetings because I'm thinking about him. I hate that every night I go to bed my heart breaks and I cry because all I want to do is call him and hear his voice and tell him about my day. I hate missing him but I love having him to miss.
And it seems like lately the pain has been extra big. I don't know why that is. Perhaps it's being back at school. So many new and exciting things are always happening and I want to tell him all about them and I can't. Perhaps it's because now that I'm back at school, I am constantly reminded how he's not here. I am surrounded by couples who get to hold hands, get to kiss, get to eat lunch and dinner, get to visit each other's rooms, get to be together, and I don't get any of that. Perhaps it's just that I've been doing this whole waiting thing for over 15 months now and I'm exhausted. Perhaps it's everything put together.
Whatever the reason, I'm glad I am going to visit my bestie this weekend. I need some girl time with my best friend. I need to get away. I need a very big pick-me-up, and nothing is a better pick-me-up than quality girl time with my Christie...well, playing with puppies just might be...
Sunday, October 10, 2010
My Newest Passion
I have a new passion - photography.
Well, it's not exactly a new passion, I've always loved photography. It's just now I'm seriously considering investing in making it a hobby. The thought popped into my head a short while ago.
It was a gorgeous day outside, so I took a walk down by the Kinnickinick River. There's a trail that goes through the woods along the river. I love going down to the river along. I call it my personal "Sacred Grove." There's this tree that's fallen over and it lays across this rocky beach right up along the river. I like to sit there with my journal and write. It's so incredibly peaceful. There's no obnoxious noise, no people. All you hear is the river flowing, the leaves in the trees swaying, the birds singing.
When I'm down there, I feel God so strongly. He's everywhere. And I've decided I want to do photography to show everyone else how much God is in nature and the beauty of it all. I don't want to photograph people. That doesn't interest me at all. I want to capture sunsets, snowflakes, sunlight glistening off tree leaves.
So aside from the necessities, I have to decided which of my wants is more important for me to spend my money on: photography or a puppy? :)
Well, it's not exactly a new passion, I've always loved photography. It's just now I'm seriously considering investing in making it a hobby. The thought popped into my head a short while ago.
When I'm down there, I feel God so strongly. He's everywhere. And I've decided I want to do photography to show everyone else how much God is in nature and the beauty of it all. I don't want to photograph people. That doesn't interest me at all. I want to capture sunsets, snowflakes, sunlight glistening off tree leaves.
The thing holding me back is, of course, the money. I want to invest in a decent camera, but those can run anywhere from about $700 - $2000. And then theres classes. I would want to take at least a class or two so I could learn techniques and terms and what not. If I wanted, I could totally start now, but the thing is I have other things I'm trying to save up for. I need to get a new car before I start student teaching. Tom and I are getting married in about a year and a half, and as of now, my parents aren't helping with that.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Stand Up
I get so frustrated with the world sometimes. Maybe frustrated isn't the right word...Angry? Disappointed? Upset? All of those words?...and more?...
I just don't understand the human race sometimes. I correct that. I don't understand a portion (although a large portion) a lot of the time. When will people understand the consequences of their actions? And I'm not talking about consequences to themselves, but to others.
It breaks my heart to hear stories about people, usually kids, killing themselves because of bullying. Although most of this post will be about gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people, I think it is important to point that they are not the only ones targeted.
Maybe it's because October is national Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual History month, but it seems like lately I have seen so much about this issue in the media and in my own personal life. Hate crimes seem to be happening across the country and on campus, and my emotions about the issue are going so haywire. I get so angry that people can be so incredibly hurtful and hateful, and I feel so hurt for those who are targeted.
Take a look at the Phelp's family/church. I warn you that this video below could be hard for some people to watch (there's a 30 second ad before the video). It really boils my blood. (There was a block to keep me from embedding the video, so you have to follow the link.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRAYFYjam-E&feature=related
It baffles my mind that there are people out there who are so unaccepting, so disrespectful, so hypocritical. They claim that God hates homosexuals. They claim they are the ones being Christians and following Christ's teachings, but the last I checked, God taught us not to judge one another. And there they stand, not only judging, but also hurting, those who are different from them.
How is there so much hate? And most, if not all, of it hate towards people who are different. Just different. Why can't the world be more accepting. There is hate between religions that believe in different doctrines. Hate between people who have different values. Hate between people who look different from one another. Hate between people who practice different traditions. Did you know the Ku Klux Klan still exists? Did you know there is an American Nazi party? Search on the internet and you'll find hundreds of hate groups targeting hundreds of different kinds of people.
What makes one type of person superior than another? We all, no matter what religion, color, age, background, whatever, have a beating heart. We all feel pain, love, sorrow, grief, joy. We all breathe the same air, live in the same world. We're all people.
I think I've rambled enough about my thoughts on the issue for now. All I ask is that people please start standing up. Silence is acceptance. Do not accept or tolerate hate. Make your voice be heard. I'll leave you with a heartfelt message from Ellen Degeneres.
I just don't understand the human race sometimes. I correct that. I don't understand a portion (although a large portion) a lot of the time. When will people understand the consequences of their actions? And I'm not talking about consequences to themselves, but to others.
It breaks my heart to hear stories about people, usually kids, killing themselves because of bullying. Although most of this post will be about gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people, I think it is important to point that they are not the only ones targeted.
Maybe it's because October is national Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual History month, but it seems like lately I have seen so much about this issue in the media and in my own personal life. Hate crimes seem to be happening across the country and on campus, and my emotions about the issue are going so haywire. I get so angry that people can be so incredibly hurtful and hateful, and I feel so hurt for those who are targeted.
Take a look at the Phelp's family/church. I warn you that this video below could be hard for some people to watch (there's a 30 second ad before the video). It really boils my blood. (There was a block to keep me from embedding the video, so you have to follow the link.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRAYFYjam-E&feature=related
It baffles my mind that there are people out there who are so unaccepting, so disrespectful, so hypocritical. They claim that God hates homosexuals. They claim they are the ones being Christians and following Christ's teachings, but the last I checked, God taught us not to judge one another. And there they stand, not only judging, but also hurting, those who are different from them.
How is there so much hate? And most, if not all, of it hate towards people who are different. Just different. Why can't the world be more accepting. There is hate between religions that believe in different doctrines. Hate between people who have different values. Hate between people who look different from one another. Hate between people who practice different traditions. Did you know the Ku Klux Klan still exists? Did you know there is an American Nazi party? Search on the internet and you'll find hundreds of hate groups targeting hundreds of different kinds of people.
What makes one type of person superior than another? We all, no matter what religion, color, age, background, whatever, have a beating heart. We all feel pain, love, sorrow, grief, joy. We all breathe the same air, live in the same world. We're all people.
I think I've rambled enough about my thoughts on the issue for now. All I ask is that people please start standing up. Silence is acceptance. Do not accept or tolerate hate. Make your voice be heard. I'll leave you with a heartfelt message from Ellen Degeneres.
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