Six Weeks

My little peanut is six weeks old today.

Oh goodness, it brings tears to my eyes.

Didn't I just bring him home from the hospital yesterday?

*sigh*

I go back to work on Monday.

It breaks my heart.

Benjamin is starting to break of his shell, developing both his personality and a schedule, and now I have to leave him. 

He's slowly becoming "Benjamin Thomas."

He hates immersion baths - unless the temperature is *perfect* and he's completely submerged, except for his head.

He looooves getting his hair shampooed.

He loves light head scratches as he falls asleep.

He loves music.

He likes to be able to see the world around him - he likes to be facing outward, and sitting upward.

He doesn't like taking naps in his bassinet during the day, but he loves sleeping in his bassinet at night.

He is just starting to put himself to sleep, instead of being rocked to sleep. 

He [hates] having a dirty diaper, and will get very angry, but then stop crying the second you lay him on his changing table - he knows what's coming, I swear!

He is such a strong little guy, always holding his head up whenever he can, and loves standing on his legs. We can even stand him up, then take our hands a centimeter away from his body and he'll hold himself standing for just a second or two, all on his own! Such a strong little guy!

He truly is becoming a unique little person.

And now I have to leave him.

He's just starting to develop a routine too.

His day usual starts between 6:30 and 7:30.

He'll eat, get changed, and play for an hour or so.

Then about 9:30ish he'll eat again, and go down for a nap around 10.

He'll wake up around 11:30 and eat and play some more.

Then take an afternoon nap around 2.

Then he's up and eating and playing around 4 or 5.

Then back to sleep about 7.

Then up one last time about 9:30 or 10 for some more good eats, a bath (every other day), and some snuggles for bed time. 

His nights are typically very good, with him sleeping from about 10:30 or so until 7ish with him waking up once to eat in the middle of the night. 

He's getting so big!

And yet still so small...

He is still in newborn clothes.

The 0-3 month clothes are too big for him still.

At his one month appointment, he was 7lbs 11oz, so he's something over 8 pounds by now I would think.

Finally the size of a normal newborn. Ha!

Ahh, I love him so much.

He brings so much joy to my life.

I have no idea what I talked about, or blogged about, before Benjamin came into my life.

He's about the only thing I talk about these days!

He is my world. 

And he's six weeks old today. 

Macho man! 

Babies = God

It's been one month since we welcomed home Benjamin.

I'm still in awe with him every day. 

I watch him. All day.

I peek in on his naps frequently.

I take too many pictures.

I am in love. 

Having a baby is the biggest blessing.

I have been thinking so much lately about God.

Because when I look at Benjamin, I see God.

Going through pregnancy, and now having this beautiful baby boy in my home every day, has testified so much to me of the existence of God. 

After this experience, I don't understand how people can believe there is no God; how people believe it was an accident that we are what we are.

I remember seeing Benjamin for the first time, holding him for the first time, and not being able to wrap my head around the fact that he was inside me. I grew him. In my belly! It's just something I couldn't wrap my head around....and something I still struggle to wrap my head around!

This person, this itty bitty breathing, alive person was inside me. 

It's incredible.

How can people say there is no God?

God is real.

My Benjamin is not a miracle of nature - He is a miracle of God.

From his tiny toes to his fuzzy head, he has "divinity" written all over him.

Look at our bodies.

Look at the complexity of the circulatory system: our heart, beating over 100,000 beats every day. 

Look at the respiratory systems: our lungs systematically filling and emptying, inhaling and exhaling.

We don't even have to think about these things. 

Look at our muscles: our leg muscles contracting to make us move forward - again, something we don't even have to think about doing.

Look at our brain: oh my goodness, the complexity of the human brain! Just the fact that we can think and reason and more.

Look at our eyes: the way the eyes work is so delicate and intricate. 

No.
I do not for one second believe that we are an accident of nature. 

We are, without a shadow of a doubt, divine beings. 

And that's just us.

You want more proof of God?
Look at the world around you.

It is not an "accident."

It is divinity in all it's finest. 

It is God. 

There's a reason it's called: "The Miracle of Birth."

Birth is a miracle.

Babies are miracles.

We are miracles. 

Too Many Tangents

Three weeks.
That's all I have left.
That's all I've gotten so far.
I'm halfway through my "maternity leave".
It's not real maternity leave, let's be honest.
Six weeks is not nearly enough time with your newborn.
Not for me anyway.

Ugh, it just breaks my heart.
I'm halfway done already?! 
Didn't I just bring him home yesterday??
Isn't he still the tiniest, most vulnerable little peanut who needs his mama?

I knew going into this whole pregnancy thing I'd have to do the whole "working mom" thing, at least for a while. 
But I'm not ready for it.
It doesn't help either that I belong to a church where just about every woman in the congregation is a stay-at-home mom; I feel judged when they ask me my plans and I tell them I'm back at work after six weeks. They get that look on their face, ya know?
Um, can't help it. 
Don't have a choice.
Anywho, I'm going to be a hot mess my first day back at work.
I just know it..
Uuuuggghhhh.....

But it's okay, really.
I knew it was going to be this way.
Thomas and I have always said family is the most important thing in life; we've always wanted to start our family as soon as possible.
And if that means working while raising a family, and struggling with money for the first several years of having a family, well then so be it.
It can be done.
And it'll be worth it.
It's part of building a life together. 
We're young, newly married, newly-made family, and that means just getting started with life. 

Our lease is up in December and we can't wait to move out of this place.
It's a nice place, don't get me wrong, but man! It's pricey.
We went through the whole process of getting approval for a mortgage, started going out with a Realtor and looking at townhouses to buy, and then Thomas lost his job.
Soooo now no house hunting.
We're back to renting. 
Which sucks, because the houses we were looking at all had mortgages cheaper than our rent. 
But now we won't be able to get approval on my income alone.
Such a bummer.
We have been able to find a couple nice two-bedroom apartments and even townhouses with rents that are cheaper than our one-bedroom rent we pay now, but we'll see where we end up.
We haven't made any decisions yet, and it doesn't feel like we will soon.
Just haven't gotten "that feeling", ya know?

Anywho, I feel like I went off on a tangent...
Benjamin's been doing great!
He's growing and still the sweetest little guy on the face of the planet. 
Oh, I am so in love with him.
In less than a week we'll be making a roadtrip out to Milwaukee to visit my sister, his auntie, so he can meet her for the first time.
First road trip at four weeks old!
He had newborn pictures last week and I am DYING to see how they turned out!! 
We got some sneak peeks and they are adorable!
He also has another newborn session next week with another company.
I just couldn't pass up the groupon - $20 for a $250 value (two-hour session and prints!).
Yeah, couldn't pass it up. 
I love Groupon!
Anybody ever buy a vacation off Groupon? 
I've always wondered how that works...and if it's legit.
It has to be, right?
Mmm.
Maybe I'll find out some day...
Ooops. 'Nother tangent...

Aaaaanywhooooo.....

Ahh man, life is good.
It's a struggle, and frustrating so much of the time.
But even still, it's so good.
And I feel so blessed every day.