Dear Thomas...

Dear Thomas...

I'm trying very hard not to be "that girl." Ya know, the one who cries just cuz she misses her boyfriend; the one who "can't live" without her boyfriend. I'm trying to keep moving, to keep happy, to just live life as it comes, but it's really really hard when you're in my head 24/7. I'm so proud of you, and so happy you made the choice to serve a mission. I can see how much joy it brings you, how it's strenghtened your testimony, and how much you have grown from the mission already. But for my own selfish reasons I wish you hadn't gone. I wish you hadn't left me here alone. Yeah, okay, I'm not alone, I know. But it feels that way so much of the time, even when I'm surrounded by friends and family. I love you. You're my person. The ONE person I want to share everything and anything with. I want to tell you when big exciting news happens, to share my excitement and happiness with you. I want to cry to you when I'm hurting, to have make me laugh and cheer me and tell me everything's going to be okay. I miss  you.

I'm dying without you. Okay, that's dramatic. But I feel like a part of me is missing. You're my other half and you took that other half with you when you left. And now I'm stuck here writing a pathetic blog about everything I feel because I can't tell you everything my heart wants to. I can't be this way with you, not for the next 19 months...ugh, so far away...

I miss talking to you more than anything else. Lying on the couch, cuddling while we just talk and talk. Or even on the phone. I just miss talking to you so much...you're so flippin' funny! You make me laugh like crazy and I miss that...just laughing the world away, nothing else mattered but me and you.

19 months. I just gotta hold it together for 19 months more. It'll go by fast, right? *sigh*
I love you.
Always and forever.

Salvation and School

I think faith and salvation work a lot like school. Being a good Christian, and being a good student have a lot of the same qualities.

To be a good student you have to go to school. But simply going to school is not enough. You can't expect to be an A student by simply sitting in your chair every day. You have put effort into acheiving the grade you want. You have to go to class, actually pay attention during class and take notes, do your homework assignments, turn them in on time, study for exams, etc. You interract with your teacher, ask for help. It's a lot of work to maintain a great GPA. And you can't ever slack off. You must put consistant effort forward in keeping your grades up. And in the long run, it pays off because you get into whatever college you want, the college of your dreams!

Faith and salvation work basically the same way. Just going to church isn't enough. Just calling yourself a Christian means nothing if you don't act like one. You have to put forth effort. You have to do your "homework." Good deeds for others, read your scriptures, pray, interract with your "teacher". Ask Him for help. Follow His commandments like you would follow rules at school. And you have to keep doing these things throughout your life to maintain your "GPA" so to speak. You have to "endure to the end." And when you do these things and continue to do them throughout your life, you get into the Celestial Kingdom, aka your "Dream College." :D

Dreams

A new poem I wrote on November 30, 2009. It's called Dreams.

My eyes lightly flutter open
After a sweet night's sleep
Reality starts to sink in
I hold back the tears and inhale deep

A moment ago I held you
A second ago you kissed me
A minute ago I felt your skin
A moment ago I was happy

When the starry night sky surrounds me
And I rest my heavy eyes
I welcome sleep with an excited heart
And drift off with anxious sighs

You're in my loving arms again
You're kissing my hands, my cheeks, my lips
You're locking your sweet blue eyes with mine
You're grasp tight onto my hips

We're laughing like wild and crazy kids
As we wrestle and roll on the ground
We're playing pool, you're kicking my butt
While in your cocky ego I drown

We're walking hand-in-hand outside
And hand-in-hand while in the car
Hand-in-hand while beneath the moon
While gazing at a blanket of stars

You're holding me tight against your chest
As we dance across the floor
I nestle my face in the crook of your neck
Thinking "Forever and always I'll be yours"

My eyes lightly flutter open
After a sweet night's sleep
And reality starts to sink in
So I hold back the tears and inhale deep

Your great big smile disappears
Your blue eyes fade away
The pain starts to settle in
So I bow my head and pray

Peace then settles over me
And a new day I now can face
For with each passing minute
Brings me closer to my favorite place

Soon I'll be back in your arms
With my joy bursting at the seams
Cause nothing makes me happier
Then our dates we have within my dreams

Eating Healthy

I am skinny. I don't even weigh enough to donate blood... :P But I have come to the conclusion that just because I am skinny doesn't mean I am fit and healthy. As my roomie will tell you, I have terrible eating habits. I eat sooo much junk food and drink sooo much soda! It's kinda really disgusting...but, for some reason it's impossible for me to gain weight, so I never worried about what I ate cuz it didn't make any difference on my physique. So, recently I made a promise to myself that I was going to eat healthier. I vowed I was done buying potato chips and dip, soda, and other junk food. I was going to stock my food supply with lettuce for salads, carrots and dip, V8 juice, etc. But, have you ever noticed how much more expensive it is to eat healthy?!

It's so annoying! I'm a poor college student. What do you think I am going to choose: A $4 46 oz V8 fusion juice that has an entire day's serving of both veggies and fruits in a single glass, or a 12 pack of Mountain Dew that has 144 oz of drink? Um, yeah, gimme more for my money. I guess for now I'll focus more on excerise instead of my diet...

Everything Happens for a Reason

I love music. LOVE IT! I listen to music in the shower, in my bed, on my way to class, while I do homework, while I get ready in the morning, while I drive, all the time. My favorite is in the morning while I get ready, it kinda sets the mood for the day. And yes, I sing into my hair brush, or straightener, or hair dryer, whatever I'm holding. And yes, I dance around.

Well, today I woke up in a fowl mood. I did NOT want to get out of bed...I was seriously debating even going to churhc. It was just one of those days where I wanted to lay in bed all day and avoid all contact with other people...but then I told myself that when I am in this kind of a mood is when I probably need church the most...so I forced myself outta bed and decided that listening to Christmas music while I got ready for church would be the perfect pick-me-up and perfect mood setter for the day. So while I got ready  I had my Christmas music blaring, and I was singing and dancing along to it.

By the time I finished getting ready, I had twenty minutes before I had to leave for church. So I decided to make myself some easy mac to make getting through three hours of church easier on the stomach. :) While the mac was in the microwave, I decided to pour myself some delicious V8 Pomegranate Blueberry juice. Mmmmm. Well, the bottle I had was almost nearly full, and I took it out of the fridge and started shaking it up...in rhythm to the music of course. I took the cap off, ready to pour, when the song reached a climactic point, a point perfect for a spin move. So what do I do? I spin! Quite energetically, of course! Arms outstretched fully...arms still holding my open, and quite full, bottle of V8 juice. Yup. Juice went flying EVERYWHERE!! It went all over my laptop, my mirror, my carpet, eveywhere!!! I just about died laughing!! It definitely put me in a better mood and I ended up going to church quite cheerful!! Proof that literally everything happens for a reason. :)

They Always Get Better

One of the hardest parts about life is when the people you love change. It sucks. Easiest way to put it. And the worst part is, you don't notice the change while it's happening, you don't see that person transform before your eyes. It's just suddenly one day, you look at them, and you think to yourself, "Who are you?" And the person you loved, the person you could rely on for anything, the person who you could call at 3 in the morning, the person who understood you when no one else did, isn't that person anymore. And then you have to decide what you're going to do about it. Are you gonna tell that person how you feel? That you think they've changed? That they aren't the person they were before? Or are you just gonna let them be? Try and pretend like nothing has changed between you two? What will hurt more?

Sometimes, someone changes so much, you just have to cut them out of your life, and this hurts more than anything. Simply put: it sucks. Someone becomes a drain and a stressor instead of being the one to help take your stress away. They make every day rain instead of making the sun shine. They aren't there for you when you need them most - they just aren't the same person anymore. And you have to make a decision. It hurts more than anything to have to cut someone out, but you know it's for the best. It will make life harder in the beginning, but things will get better. They always get better.

11:11

I love to write poems. Love it, love it, love it! I don't think I am all that great, and I don't get to do it too often, but I still love it! When Tom was still here, I would write him poems a lot for his birthdays, or Christmas, or anniversaries. He always liked it...I think...lol. Anywho, since he's been gone, I have a written a couple more poems. My favorite has been one I wrote on July 23, 2009, titled "11:11." I decided to share it because it's one of the only poems I have written that I absolutely love. So here it is:

11:11

I wrap my blankets tight around me

Imagining they're you

Holding me tight, through the night

The way you used to do

You'd place your arms around me

Wrapping me in your embrace

Kiss my head, wipe my cheeks

As tears streamed down my face

But now the room is empty

It's just me here alone

Crying with the memories

Of the best times I've ever known

The clock is flashing 11:11

So I'll close my eyes real tight

Hold my breath, count to ten

And wish for you tonight

I'll get on my knees beside my bed

And pray with all my heart

That God will bring you home to me

And never again take us apart

Your picture's still beside my bed

Your clothes are lying on the floor

An empty vase collecting dust

No yellow tulips there no more

My heart's no longer racing

As it did from your soft lips

No more butterflies within me

They left with you and our last kiss

I've never felt so empty

I miss your voice, your touch, it all

Let's grow wings, fly to the stars

Make these miles between us fall

The clock is flashing 11:11

So I'll close my eyes real tight

Hold my breath, count to ten

And wish for you tonight

I'll get on my knees beside my bed

And pray with all my heart

That God will bring you home to me

And never again take us apart

Put Some Pants On

Newsflash: Ladies, leggings do not classify as pants.

I don't know what it is, but lately, leggings have been making quite the comeback, and I am glad. I love leggings. I love wearing them under dresses and skirts, I think they're cute and add a little touch. But, they do not classify as pants. I've been seeing girls walking around campus wearing normal t-shirts or long sleeved shirts, but then instead of pants, leggings! Seriously?! Maybe girls don't realize this, but you can have all your skin covered, and still look slutty...We all know the only reason you choose to wear leggings instead of normal pants is because they do a FAR better job accentuating your legs and booty.

And when it's thirty degrees outside with 20 mile an hour winds, and you have to walk fifteen/twenty minutes to get to your classes, you definitely shouldn't be wearing leggings. We all know your freezing, so just help yourself and go put some pants on, please.

It's a Great Day for a New Hobby

So there's all this talk going around everywhere about blogging and how awesome it is. Well, I am always up for trying new things (except sushi, I don't think I'll ever try sushi.) and so I thought maybe I would give blogging a try. Maybe people are actually interested in what I have say...and if not, well, I at least know my dad will appreciate reading about my life if no one else will. Hi dad!

Besides, I have come to the conclusion recently that my life is rather extremely dull compared to the lives of others. So I have decided most of the time I will not be writing about my life. Instead I will write about life in general...like...well, I can't think of anything at the moment (great start), but I promise there will be some great postings to come. :)

In the meantime, this is just a hello to everyone who may read. Hello! So in case you don't know much about me, for today I will give just a brief synopsis of myself... The name is Katie Jo Barthel, but you can just call me Katie. ;) Although my Grandpa for some reason has always called me Kathryn Josephine...must just be an affectionate thing.

I am a currently attending school to become a social studies teacher in high school, and at 5'2" and barely 100 pounds, most people hear that and give me that "Good Luck" look....hahaha. I am excited though; I LOVE working with people, which is why I became I Resident Assistant at my school. Now THERE'S experience for ya! I LOVE my job, it's so much fun! And you get to be involved in some pretty crazy stories and see some pretty crazy things, which always makes for a good time!

I come from a family of seven - my mom, dad, my oldest brother Jeff, older brother, Mike, younger sister Erica, and younger brother, Nick...so if you calculated correctly, you will have discovered I am smack-dab in the middle. Woot. I was born and raised Catholic, but am now Mormon and LOVING it! We'll save that whole conversion story for a later day...maybe...

I have a wonderful boyfriend, Thomas. We started dating April 14, 2006 and it's been the time of my life ever since. He's in Idaho until July 2011 serving a mission for church, so I won't be seeing him for about two years, but we still get to email every week, so that's awesome.

I think that's the gist ya need to know about me for now...stay tuned for future thoughts and stories! =)