I'm trying very hard not to be "that girl." Ya know, the one who cries just cuz she misses her boyfriend; the one who "can't live" without her boyfriend. I'm trying to keep moving, to keep happy, to just live life as it comes, but it's really really hard when you're in my head 24/7. I'm so proud of you, and so happy you made the choice to serve a mission. I can see how much joy it brings you, how it's strenghtened your testimony, and how much you have grown from the mission already. But for my own selfish reasons I wish you hadn't gone. I wish you hadn't left me here alone. Yeah, okay, I'm not alone, I know. But it feels that way so much of the time, even when I'm surrounded by friends and family. I love you. You're my person. The ONE person I want to share everything and anything with. I want to tell you when big exciting news happens, to share my excitement and happiness with you. I want to cry to you when I'm hurting, to have make me laugh and cheer me and tell me everything's going to be okay. I miss you.
I'm dying without you. Okay, that's dramatic. But I feel like a part of me is missing. You're my other half and you took that other half with you when you left. And now I'm stuck here writing a pathetic blog about everything I feel because I can't tell you everything my heart wants to. I can't be this way with you, not for the next 19 months...ugh, so far away...
I miss talking to you more than anything else. Lying on the couch, cuddling while we just talk and talk. Or even on the phone. I just miss talking to you so much...you're so flippin' funny! You make me laugh like crazy and I miss that...just laughing the world away, nothing else mattered but me and you.
19 months. I just gotta hold it together for 19 months more. It'll go by fast, right? *sigh*
I love you.
Always and forever.
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