Dear Thomas...

Dear Thomas...

I'm trying very hard not to be "that girl." Ya know, the one who cries just cuz she misses her boyfriend; the one who "can't live" without her boyfriend. I'm trying to keep moving, to keep happy, to just live life as it comes, but it's really really hard when you're in my head 24/7. I'm so proud of you, and so happy you made the choice to serve a mission. I can see how much joy it brings you, how it's strenghtened your testimony, and how much you have grown from the mission already. But for my own selfish reasons I wish you hadn't gone. I wish you hadn't left me here alone. Yeah, okay, I'm not alone, I know. But it feels that way so much of the time, even when I'm surrounded by friends and family. I love you. You're my person. The ONE person I want to share everything and anything with. I want to tell you when big exciting news happens, to share my excitement and happiness with you. I want to cry to you when I'm hurting, to have make me laugh and cheer me and tell me everything's going to be okay. I miss  you.

I'm dying without you. Okay, that's dramatic. But I feel like a part of me is missing. You're my other half and you took that other half with you when you left. And now I'm stuck here writing a pathetic blog about everything I feel because I can't tell you everything my heart wants to. I can't be this way with you, not for the next 19 months...ugh, so far away...

I miss talking to you more than anything else. Lying on the couch, cuddling while we just talk and talk. Or even on the phone. I just miss talking to you so much...you're so flippin' funny! You make me laugh like crazy and I miss that...just laughing the world away, nothing else mattered but me and you.

19 months. I just gotta hold it together for 19 months more. It'll go by fast, right? *sigh*
I love you.
Always and forever.

Salvation and School

I think faith and salvation work a lot like school. Being a good Christian, and being a good student have a lot of the same qualities.

To be a good student you have to go to school. But simply going to school is not enough. You can't expect to be an A student by simply sitting in your chair every day. You have put effort into acheiving the grade you want. You have to go to class, actually pay attention during class and take notes, do your homework assignments, turn them in on time, study for exams, etc. You interract with your teacher, ask for help. It's a lot of work to maintain a great GPA. And you can't ever slack off. You must put consistant effort forward in keeping your grades up. And in the long run, it pays off because you get into whatever college you want, the college of your dreams!

Faith and salvation work basically the same way. Just going to church isn't enough. Just calling yourself a Christian means nothing if you don't act like one. You have to put forth effort. You have to do your "homework." Good deeds for others, read your scriptures, pray, interract with your "teacher". Ask Him for help. Follow His commandments like you would follow rules at school. And you have to keep doing these things throughout your life to maintain your "GPA" so to speak. You have to "endure to the end." And when you do these things and continue to do them throughout your life, you get into the Celestial Kingdom, aka your "Dream College." :D

Dreams

A new poem I wrote on November 30, 2009. It's called Dreams.

My eyes lightly flutter open
After a sweet night's sleep
Reality starts to sink in
I hold back the tears and inhale deep

A moment ago I held you
A second ago you kissed me
A minute ago I felt your skin
A moment ago I was happy

When the starry night sky surrounds me
And I rest my heavy eyes
I welcome sleep with an excited heart
And drift off with anxious sighs

You're in my loving arms again
You're kissing my hands, my cheeks, my lips
You're locking your sweet blue eyes with mine
You're grasp tight onto my hips

We're laughing like wild and crazy kids
As we wrestle and roll on the ground
We're playing pool, you're kicking my butt
While in your cocky ego I drown

We're walking hand-in-hand outside
And hand-in-hand while in the car
Hand-in-hand while beneath the moon
While gazing at a blanket of stars

You're holding me tight against your chest
As we dance across the floor
I nestle my face in the crook of your neck
Thinking "Forever and always I'll be yours"

My eyes lightly flutter open
After a sweet night's sleep
And reality starts to sink in
So I hold back the tears and inhale deep

Your great big smile disappears
Your blue eyes fade away
The pain starts to settle in
So I bow my head and pray

Peace then settles over me
And a new day I now can face
For with each passing minute
Brings me closer to my favorite place

Soon I'll be back in your arms
With my joy bursting at the seams
Cause nothing makes me happier
Then our dates we have within my dreams

Eating Healthy

I am skinny. I don't even weigh enough to donate blood... :P But I have come to the conclusion that just because I am skinny doesn't mean I am fit and healthy. As my roomie will tell you, I have terrible eating habits. I eat sooo much junk food and drink sooo much soda! It's kinda really disgusting...but, for some reason it's impossible for me to gain weight, so I never worried about what I ate cuz it didn't make any difference on my physique. So, recently I made a promise to myself that I was going to eat healthier. I vowed I was done buying potato chips and dip, soda, and other junk food. I was going to stock my food supply with lettuce for salads, carrots and dip, V8 juice, etc. But, have you ever noticed how much more expensive it is to eat healthy?!

It's so annoying! I'm a poor college student. What do you think I am going to choose: A $4 46 oz V8 fusion juice that has an entire day's serving of both veggies and fruits in a single glass, or a 12 pack of Mountain Dew that has 144 oz of drink? Um, yeah, gimme more for my money. I guess for now I'll focus more on excerise instead of my diet...