Friends Come and Go

I don't really know what to do anymore. I feel so alone so much of the time. I feel like my friends are dropping like flies. I feel like the people I thought I knew are so different...either they're changing or I am. How can you tell which one? Maybe we both are, just in opposite directions. I don't know what to do anymore. I took all the pics down in my room. My dorm room walls were covered in photos of my "friends" and I. I took them down. I got sick of looking at them every day. Half the people in those pictures were no longer my friends, and half of them don't even know me because I keep my relationships so shallow.

I used to be okay with that, with having shallow relationships. I had enough deep friendships, the friends that I could talk to about anything, that having lots of shallow friendships was okay. But now, well now the only deep friendships I have left are three people - one being a cousin and another my boyfriend, who happens to be about 1500 miles away and someone I'm not allowed to or see for the next 17 months. *sigh*

I have a lot friends. I have a lot of people I can hang out with and have a hoot of a time. I just only have three I can open up to, or trust. I just only have three who know the "real" me. Maybe that's okay, maybe I don't need more than three. Maybe I just think I do since in high school I had a whole gang of people I considered my "best" friends. Some days I really miss those days. I miss the "Good Ol' Gang" all hanging out every weekend; playing pool, movie nights, bonfires, poker nights. I miss those nights. But maybe it's okay that those people are out of my life now...I mean, isn't that part of growing up? You aren't seriously gonna be "friends forever" with every single one of your friends, right?

I wish things were easier. I wish life was easier. But what's the point in wishing? You take life day by day and make the most of everything that comes your way. So I look at my situation now, and I know I just need to make the most of it. I need to be happy with what I have because I have so many blessings. The friends I do have, even if our relationships are shallow, are still amazing, wonderful, fun people. And the deep relationships I have are amazingly perfect friendships. Some people don't even have one of those, so I should be ecstatic with three. So I look at my life and think, "Even though it's hard, it is still stinkin' amazing and I love it!" :)