Wish me luck!

So yesterday I went with my cousin to go shopping for her wedding dress!! It was sooo much fun!! It was my cousin Mallory, me, our other cousin Jenn, Mallory's mom and my mom. It got me soo excited for Mallory's wedding! She is getting married July 23, 2011 and buying the dress yesterday (yes, she found THE dress!!) made it seem soo close, so real! It was so exciting! It also got me very excited for my own wedding, of course.

As I've explained before, my parents said they want nothing to do with my wedding and that they're not coming...all because I'm Mormon, according to my mother. Well, since that fiasco of an argument a couple months ago, things have improved with the situation. My dad frequently references our Father/Daughter dance we are going to have, which I am going to assume means he has now decided that he will be at my wedding after all. My mother has said that she will go dress shopping with me now, and I am hoping that extends to her actually coming to the wedding too.

I am soo happy that my mom will go dress shopping with me! That is the biggest part about planning a wedding and I would be crushed if she wasn't there...but I want Lesley, Tom's mom, to be there too. I love Lesley, she's like a second mom to me. She's always made me feel a part of the family and welcome in the home. Sometimes, on really hard days, weeks, or months, she has even been more of a mom to me than my own, as much as I hate to say that...I feel like that makes me sound ungrateful towards my mom or that I don't love her, which is so very much not the case. It would mean a lot to me that Lesley comes dress shopping with me.

Here's the problem: my family and Tom's family absolutely do not get along. We've tried to have dinner together, I think twice, to bring our families together, but it just doesn't work. I think my parents resent Tom's parents for "stealing" me, as they would probably see it, and I think they blame Tom's parents for my conversion. Well, I know that my mom blames them, particularly Lesley, and I am assuming my dad feels the same way. So, when we were shopping, it took a lot of courage for me to ask my mom if Lesley could come dress shopping with us when it was my turn to shop for my own wedding dress; I knew what her answer would be...at least I thought I did.

It wasn't just a "no." It was an "absolutely not" and it didn't stop there. She started ranting and raving about how I could ask that and that she won't even be speaking to Lesley at the rehearsal dinner or the wedding or anything and she is not welcome to come dress shopping. That hurt me. These are two very important people in my life and I want nothing more than for them to get along. And it's frustrating because I know it's all my mom that's making it difficult. It's her stubborness. And it makes me worried. I am worried that it's going to ruin our wedding. I don't know what to do about it. I can't force our parents together, can't force them to get along. I can't force my mom to see how great of a person Lesley is. My mom doesn't understand that becoming Mormon was my own personal decision. And the frustrating part is, I can't explain that to her. Any time religion comes up, she just gets angry and yells and we fight. She refuses to listen to me. It's exhausting...but, I have at least a year and a half to work on things, make things better. Wish me luck!

Time is of the Essence!

I was thinking today how a shift at work is so similar to waiting for Tom. Work can either drag on or go by incredibly fast. The shifts that go by incredibly fast are the busy days, like Saturdays. I am constantly ringing up guests, constantly moving so that I'm not constantly checking the clock to see how much time I have left, or how much longer until my next break. I just go guest by guest until I'm done. And by the time my shift is over, it feels as if I had just arrived. That's the same with waiting.

See, I have discovered over the past year that time goes by much much faster when I keep myself busy. The busier I am, the better. Days go by much faster, and I'm not sitting around waiting to cross the next month off the calender, or waiting for Tuesday to roll around so I can read an email from him, or waiting for a letter to arrive. If I keep myself busy and just live life day to day, it goes by faster. And, more importantly, I am happier. I don't sit around thinking about him, missing him. It's better that way.

But then at work everything changes with that last hour of my shift. The last hour always drags on and on and on and on...I think, actually I know, it's because I check the clock so much. I get so excited that it's finally almost time to go home, so I check the clock after almost every guest. The average transaction takes a minute to complete...ha! Yeah, it gets bad. And so I am thinkin' that's what the final month, probably more than a month, is going to be like. I think it's just going to draaaaag on. I'm prepared for it. I know I'm going to be counting the days, and once it's close enough, even the hours until he comes home to me.

But for now, I'll focus on just being giddy about the fact that we've just about hit that half way mark! Time's definitely been moving fast enough so far!

Appreciation

I love the outdoors. I love everything about it. I love the fresh clean air, bright blue skys, the wind on my face. Everything. I love hiking. I love the beauty of nature, being surrounded by trees, the majesty of the mountains. Everything. I feel like where I live, though, I miss out. I wish I lived somewhere where when the sun set, you could see billions of stars. I wish I lived where more exotic animals than robins and squirrels crossed my daily path. Once in a blue moon I'll get lucky enough to see a deer.

I love the peacefulness of nature. How when you're surrounded by nature, you can actually hear it. Hear the birds, crickets, the wind. I can actually hear myself think. There's no horns or cars speeding past. There's no people shouting. Wrapped up in nature is when I feel closest to God. There's this place near campus on the Kinnickinick River that I LOVE to go. You walk along the river and it's nothing but thick woods and the river. All you hear is the rustle of the leaves, the flow of the river, birds, insects, and the occasional fish jumping out of the water. I like to go here alone. I like to sit along the river with the sun on my skin and the wind on my cheek and talk to God, pray, and think about life.

While I'm at home, I just have to settle for backyard. I love to lay out there and read whenever I get the chance. It's not quiet, there's cars and people and such, but it's still beautiful. I'll lay out there and look at the sky, the clouds idly flowing past. I look at the trees and how brilliantly green and full they are. I appreciate the simple beauty of nature that when one takes the time to look at, turns out, isn't so simple at all; it's majestic. I hope people, in their busy lives, don't forget to appreciate the world around them.

Attention Waiter Haters

Waiter Haters are so annoying. I don't understand why people are sooo against people waiting for missionaries, whether it's a girl waiting for her boyfriend or a guy waiting for his girlfriend. First and foremost people need to remember it's none of their damn business. I hate when people tell me it's such a waste to put my life on hold for two years while Tom is on his mission. Well, newsflash, I'm not putting my life on hold. I'm still going to school full time. Still working nearly full time. Still going out with friends. Still spending time with family. Still living my life. How can people say I'm putting it on hold? Or wasting two years? It's not like I stay locked in my room crying all day every day. It's not like I have become totally and completely antisocial.

I hate when people tell me I should date; that I don't even know what's out there. They tell me I should be dating a variety of guys to find the right one who fits me best. They say I that I can't say Tom is the best guy for me when he's the only long-term relationship I've ever had. But what I don't understand is, if Tom and I fit together so flippin' well, what's the point in dating and trying to find someone else? I know how perfect Tom and I are together. He makes me laugh when I wanna cry. We build each other up. We have loads and loads of fun togher. We strengthen each other's testimonies. We care deeply for each other. Tom is everything I could ever need and more than I ever could have hoped for. Why would I bother looking for someone else when I have someone as amazing as Thomas in my life? Someone who makes me feel like I am flying every day?

People say I am a distraction to Thomas, that I will take away from his mission. People have no idea the effect I have on Thomas while he is gone. I send him a "scripture of the week" every week. I look up old talks and articles and send them to him. I share my missionary moments here at home with him. I give him support and help when he's had a rough week. I pray for him. I do nothing but support and uplift him. How could that be taking away from his mission? Thomas is not distracted by me at home. He does not worry about me while he's away because he knows how deeply I love him, he knows my heart belongs to him and only him, so he is not afraid of losing me. Yes, I tell him I love him. Yes, I tell him I miss him. But that is not a distraction. That is a reminder that I am all his.

Thomas has said he's had to deal with "waiter haters" on his mission as well. Members of the church tell him he should not have me at home, that I am a bad influence and a distraction. That it will end up with me writing him a Dear John letter so he should end it himself before it happens. I'm sorry he has to deal with people like that; I can't imagine that having people, members none the less, plant seeds in his head that I am not going to be there for him after two years is a good thing for Thomas. People say I am a distraction and a bad thing for him, yet it's the people who are telling him these things while he's gone that are the ones that will be distracting him.

I know that I am nothing but a good thing for Thomas on his mission. I try very hard to be the positive, supportive, encouraging girlfriend that he needs. I try to help strengthen his testimony and help make these two years the best two years of his life. And I know, that in the next year when he comes home, that it will be into my arms he falls into. I will still be here waiting for him, loving him more than ever. And when that day comes, I will tell all the waiter haters out there, "I told ya so."

I Am

It is sooo frustrating when people underestimate me, and it happens all the time. Just because I am tiny does not mean I am weak. I may not be The Incredible Hulk by any means, but I can dang well do more than people give me credit. It bothers me very much when guests won't let me pick up cases of water or bookshelves or desks because they think I can't. Gimme some credit people, my size is deceiving. I was sitting in the break room at work thinking about this because it seemed like nobody would let me do anything at work today. Guests take one look at me and think I can't. But as I was thinking about how frustrating it is, I realized that there is a lot more to me, not just strength-wise, that meets the eye...

I am stronger than my size makes you believe.

I am feistier than my sweet demeanor portrays.

I am more down to earth than my dreamer attitude reveals.

I am more mature than my giggly school girl nature makes you believe.

I am smarter than my math skills would prove.

I am more of a fighter than my submissive attitude portrays.

I am wiser than my naive nature eludes.

Nature's Hideaway

I am a huge animal lover. I have been my entire life. Growing up, I watched only Animal Planet, begged my mom to take me to the zoo everyday, bought book upon book about animals, spent my days exploring the woods for animals and their tracks, and idolized The Crocodile Hunter. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was going to work with animals when I grew up. For one of my birthdays even (I can't remember which one), my mom got me a Behind-The-Scenes tour of the Minnesota Zoo - soooo cool!

When we were younger, my cousin and I would go over to these huge hills and woods and lake area by my house, and we would bring the video camera with us and make our own nature show. It was called, "Nature's Hideaway." We would record us tracking animal prints and we would bring over stuffed animals and hide them in the brush and use our camera to pretend they were real...yeah, we were kinda dorks. We even made a blooper reel at the end of the tape. My cousin and I were both going to spend our lives working at the same zoo. It was going to be great.

At first, I wanted to train Killer Whales. They were my favorite, and I watched Free Willy every chance I could get! But then I decided I didn't want to move out of Minnesota, and since there are no killer whales in Minnesota, I settled on becoming a dolphin trainer at the Minnesota Zoo. Then that dream molded into any kind of zoo worker, I didn't care - I just knew I wanted to work with animals. My junior year of high school, after all the talks and lessons about going to college, I somehow abandoned my lifelong dream and decided to be a teacher because I figured it was a little more realistic. Oh, and guess what? My cousin is in school to be a teacher now too...

I don't regret my decision. I love my major! I love working in schools and I love helping people, and, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I think I will be a great teacher. But lately, I have been wishing I was doing something with animals...

I am still as passionate about animals as ever, and now I'm second guessing my career choice. I know I will love being a teacher, but I can't help but think that I would love being a zoologist more. A small part of me really wants to change my major. What's holding me back? The fact that I am going to be a senior this year. I can't just throw everything I've done so far away. I know my credits wouldn't transfer, their all history credits. I'd have to find a new school because they don't have a zoology major at River Falls, which means leaving my job and my friends. And then there's the money. I've already dumped tens of thousands of dollars into becoming a teacher, and that's my own money. My parents aren't helping pay for school. All that money would be to waste. And then there's the fact that I am still keeping my fingers crossed and banking on Tom being able to support our family on his own so I can be a stay-at-home mom with our kids, and in that case, it won't matter if I have a degree in teaching or in zoology - I won't be using it.

I guess for now I will stay in my major and shake off these doubts that I have. Hopefully I am making the right decision.

Direct Dial

I hate hypocrites. They are probably my biggest pet peeve. I can't stand it. But the thing that probably bothers me more than hypocrites is when people aren't honest with you.

I hate it when someone gets mad at you for whatever reason and then they don't tell you. Instead, they decide to talk about you behind your back and/or treat you differently expecting you to figure out on your own what you did to piss them off. So frustrating. In Res Life we have a thing called "Direct Dialing" - when you have a problem with someone, you go straight to that person and work things out instead of going behind their back...people need to learn how to do that more often.

I think it's a girl thing. Girls are never ever straightforward with you. I think that's why I get along better with guys than with girls. If you piss a guy off or annoy a guy, they'll tell ya straight up. They are blunt and honest and straight to the point. In other words, they are easy to understand. Girls, girls are totally different. You piss one of your girl friends off, and she'll give you the cold shoulder. But not only will she treat you bad, but she'll start talking to all your other friends behind your back about how big of a "B" you are or whatever the case. And half the time you have no idea what you did. You probably made a comment that she misconstrued to take as you calling her fat. Or maybe you hugged her boyfriend an extra .5 seconds too long. Or maybe you never text her back. Whatever the case, it's usually a little thing blown completely outta proportion.

And don't even try talking to the girl about it, you'll never be able to defend yourself. Because she is always right. It is always her way or no way. You are always in the wrong. So you just suck it up, admit that you were being a crappy friend (even when you still don't understand what you did to cause her to give you the cold shoulder for two weeks), and go out shopping or on a dinner date.

...Wow, I totally sound like a guy right now...But seriously, girls need to learn how to "direct dial" when they have an issue. If I did something to upset my friend or make them angry, I would like to know so I can fix things and make them better. Nothing can be solved with talking behind closed doors and giving the cold shoulder. Guys seem to have this skill down pretty well.