All We Need is Time

I love my job.

Maybe that's an understatement.

My job is amazing and has changed my life and who I am.

I have built to so many incredible relationships.

Relationships that will last a lifetime.

I love my job.

I love my girls - my RA staff, my residents.

I am very much the "mama" of my building.

I truly love each and every one of the 200 women in my building, and I am protective of my girls.

That's why this past week has been just about unbearable.

One of our girls was found dead in her room the morning of
Thursday, April 7th.

It was devastating that day, and things are still broken in the hall.

To lose one of my girls like that is beyond heartbreaking.

Her name was Kersten.

Her funeral was wonderful - as wonderful as a funeral could be.

It was literally overflowing with people.

People had to stand and some had to sit outside the church.

It was an amazing sight to see so much love for one person, but at the same time, all that more heartbreaking, knowing how many people were hurting, just how many people she had impacted.

I'm doing okay, as okay as I can anyway.

The initial guilt is gone. But the heartache lingers.

Her door is empty. I hate walking past it.

But I'm healing. Slowly, but surely.

What breaks my heart now are my girls still here.

It kills me to see them hurting.

It breaks my heart to see them in pain.

My staff, my residents.

I see them cry and all I can do is hug them and cry with them.

I don't know what to do, or what to say.

I would give anything, anything, to be able to take this pain away from them.

I wish I could do something.

I hate knowing how much they hurt.

It breaks my heart.

I know it will take time.

I know that.

I just wish it was easier.

I love my girls more than anything.

I just have to give them time.