The Past Two Years

So it's finally here. The last 24 hours. We did it. It's over.

I knew going into this that it was going to be hard - but nothing could have prepared me for the past two years. They were hands down the longest, hardest, and quite possibly darkest two years I've experienced so far. Not simply because of Tom being gone, but with everything else going on in my life as well. And even though they were as hard as they were, even though I've cried more tears than probably the rest of my years combined, I would not trade them in for anything. I would do it all again.

These past two years I have learned such an incredible amount about life, myself, and mine and Tom's relationship.

Life

I have learned the incredible value of living every moment of your life to the absolute fullest. I have learned the importance and power of optimism. I have discovered that it is far more rewarding to get out and dance in the rain instead of complain about it. I have learned to treasure time with the ones I love, and the importance of telling those around me how much I love and appreciate them. A smile truly does go an incredibly long way, and a hug can go even farther. Living for others is far more rewarding than living for oneself. I have learned that smiling through the pain does not make you fake - it makes you strong. It makes it so you don't lose a moment of life's precious time. Let the little things go - don't hold grudges, it's such a waste of beautiful time. Forgive. Always move forward. The glass is always half full - you just gotta see it.

Myself

I have learned so much about myself these past two years that I don't even know where to begin. I have grown and changed a lot these past two years. I'm much more patient, understanding, and open to others. If it's possible (Tom would say it's not) I think I've become even more compassionate and empathetic than I was before. I have learned to let go of the fear of getting hurt and to just put myself out there. I've pushed my limits, tested myself, and tried new things to discover who I want to be. I had to go through some rough times, experience some crazy things, but in the end, it was worth it. I think I have finally figured out who I want to be in life. I have discovered the importance of being true to myself. Never be what anyone else wants you to be. Take the time to discover yourself, and then be true to that person. I have busted out of my shell with gusto, and I love being the crazy wild obnoxious me with no inhibitions. As my blog says, "I am who I am...your approval isn't needed." A valuable lesson I've learned these past two years. Dare to be you.

My Thomas and I

Quite obviously, these past two years have tried and tested mine and Tom's relationship. But through it all, holy cow, our relationship has strengthened in a way that is so hard to explain. We have both come to appreciate so much more what each of us offer to the relationship, particularly all the little things. Communication, quite obviously, has had a huge impact on us. We know the importance of communicating with each other, and we have come to know that we are each others' rock through hard times. It's hard to put into words how our relationship is different, because our love was something so strong before the mission anyway. But it's simply knowing that we made it that adds so much strength to it, I think. Knowing that if we can do this, we can literally do anything. We've gone to years with virtually no communication and absolutely no physical time together. It's been an email every Tuesday, a letter about every month, and two phone calls a year - and still, we are madly, deeply in love. It's not infatuation or lust or puppylove or whatever minimal name you want to give it; it is the realest, truest, deepest love. A love that without a doubt will last for eternity.

People called us crazy. They told us the mission would be the end of us. Two years was a long time - I would find someone else while he was gone. Yes, I dated. I tried those other fish in the sea. But there is no one like my Thomas. And in {twenty-four} hours, I'll be in arms again.