Fight For You

Happy Friday, everyone!

Here's my new favorite song.

Just bought it on iTunes yesterday.

Enjoy.

And have a great weekend!

So Far So Good

Well today was day three of the student teacher gig.

And aside from the 5am start of my days, I think I'm going to like this whole teacher thing. 

Today I actually taught too!

Well, not much, but it was still something!

The first ten minutes of every day the class does an "Instructional Focus."
It's basically an anticipatory set.

Or a hook.

Something to get the kids thinking about what they're going to be learning about that day, get the wheels turning, ya know?

So, yeah, I got to teach that today.

The question on the board was "What is a muckraker?"

So the students get a few minutes to search their textbooks and come up with an answer, and then we take about ten minutes to discuss it. 

It was pretty cool.

Nothing too big, it is only my third day after all, but still fun.

One class gave me a round of applause when I finished.

I also got some high fives from another class.

I think I'm really going to like these kids.

So far, I've just been getting settled into things.

I've been getting the hang of the flow of the class, the atmosphere of the kids, the curriculum, the school, all that jazz. 

Learning the ropes.

Mrs. Gorman, the real teacher of the class, set up my own desk for me!
So I've got a desk in the classroom, complete with a "Mrs. Macmillan" sign, some wedding pictures from home,  and other personalizing knick-knacks!

But the icing on the cake for my desk came today.

I got my computer!
Woot!
Not a laptop, a full computer!

So I'm all set up now!

Got my passwords and login, have my own school email.

I love it!

I already changed my desktop background to some elephants in the sunset.

Teehee.

Next week I'll be teaching full classes, not just ten minutes, Wednesday through Friday!
Mrs. Gorman will have a sub those days, so I get to take over!

Then on February 20 I have 3 weeks to teach my very own unit.

The chapter is on WWI, but I get to create everything!

I will write my lesson plans, come up with activities, quizzes, projects, tests. 

I am super excited!

So! So far so good!

Eeek!!

So I finally met my second cooperating teacher today!
This is the teacher I will be paired with for when I am at Blaine Senior High student teaching, which will be from March 26 to June 8. 


I was very nervous meeting this guy.
His name is Mr. Bill Davids.
We had been emailing for the past month or so.
And it wasn't a very good start.
First off, he was horrible with emailing.
It would take him a week to respond to an email.
Then, he was very short in his emails.
Like he didn't have time to talk to me.
When I had arranged to meet him the first time, he blew me off to run errands during his prep hour instead of meeting with me. 
The second time I tried to meet with him, again backfired.
I was really starting to get the impression that this guy didn't want me.
That he saw me as a burden: just one more thing on his plate.
Definitely not the feeling you want to get from your cooperating teacher.


Welp, I finally met him in person today.
I was very nervous & curious to see just how much he didn't want anything to do with me.
Well, I was way off.
The guy is {incredibly} nice.
And very excited to have a student teacher.


Bill is an older guy who doesn't like technology.
He tries to use it as little as possible.
Hence the long time-lapse between emailing.
And when he as to use technology, he does the bare minimum.
Hence the short, empty, non-personal emails.
And he's kinda scatter brained & unorganized.
Hence the uncoordinated previous two meeting times.


So all those things aside, he is an incredible nice guy.
He was extremely welcoming to me, very friendly, and funny.
Great guy.
He introduced to me a ton of faculty, gave me a tour of the school, and talked about the school atmosphere, the students, and the curriculum. 
Everyone at the school was so incredibly friendly.
Teachers joked with each other & bantered back & forth.
I already felt one of the team.


I am very excited for the curriculum as well!
I was nervous going into a high school.
I was afraid I would be stuck teaching senior class economics, or civics, or something gross like that. 
But nope.
I get to teach sophomore American History!
Can you say, "Perfect?!"
Perfect.
When I am there teaching, I will be covering from the 1920s/1930s to the present.
Or at least as close to the present as I can get before the end of the year.
I am so incredibly excited!

The school seemed great.
The students seem great.
The staff seems great.
And my class sounds great.
It sounds like it's going to be a wonderful experience!

I am still nervous for the high school level because I just feel that personality-wise I am much better suited for middle school students, but I think it'll be a fun experience anyway.

Now on Monday I get to start my student teaching placement at Skyview Middle School!
I am sooo incredibly excited!
Eeeeek!

I Still Think of You

I still think of you.

Fairly often.

Different things bring you to my mind.

Sometimes, nothing at all.

Sometimes, you just pop up.

I wonder what it's like for you,

Where you are.

But most of all, I wonder about that day...

I wonder if it really was an accident.

I remember our talks.

I remember your stories.

I remember those days.

Was it really an accident?

I wonder if I missed something.

I wonder if I could have done something.

I wonder if you really knew how loved you were...are.

I wonder if you really knew how many lives you touched.

Did you know the church was overflowing that day?

People had to stand in the aisles.

They had the side doors open, and some stood outside.

The balcony was full as well.

That's where I sat.

I was grateful for being up & away.

I felt like an intruder that day.

Was it my fault?
It felt like it.

I still kick myself.

I still blame myself.

You were one of my girls.

I knew something was wrong.

I should have done more.

Could I have done more?

I play it over & over.

Still.

I think I took care of the rest of the girls after it happened well.

But I couldn't take care of you.

Was it really an accident?

I don't know.

I'd like to think so.
I hope so.

I still think of you.

Is it Human Nature? Or Just Me?

I get too worked up about things.

Do you ever feel inadequate?
I mean like, to the point where you feel almost disgusted with yourself?
I feel that way.

A heck of a lot lately.

Too much.

I compare myself to people too much I think.

I have this vision in my head of the "ideal me" - the type of person I want to be in life. And I compare myself to people who I think are close, if not exactly like, that ideal vision I have in my head.

This is a bad thing to do.

I get to feel very down about myself.

Very.

And I hate that.

I absolutely hate that.

Pity-parties are stupid & pointless & stupid.

But holy moly, I compare myself, and I feel almost disgusted with myself.

I am not even close to who I want to be.

And there's other people who are.

It seems like many, many others who are.

And they're this bright, shiny, golden breed of people that I just can't become.

Or so it seems.

Why do we compare our lives to the lives of others?
Why do we compare who we are to others?
Or perhaps it's just me who does that.

Maybe I'm a loner here.

I wouldn't be surprised.

It's almost a jealousy feeling.

But not quite.

A bit different than that.

I don't really know how to describe the feeling.

Maybe you already know it, if you do what I do.

If you compare yourself to others & just end up feeling bad about yourself when you do.

Then maybe you know what I'm talking about.

Anywho, I've been doing that a lot lately.

And now all I want to do is cry, I feel so miserable, 

so inadequate, so incomplete.

But maybe I just want to cry because I'm pms-ing.

Too much info?
Meh.

Maybe.

Oh well, my blog, my story, my words.

Anywho, that's my thoughts for today, I guess.

Happy Monday!

My New Addiction

So, it's official.

I'm on pinterest.

Finally.

I've heard about it forever.

Listened to my friends rave about how awesome it is.

But to me, it sounded like another Stumbleupon.com

And I didn't want another one of those sites - that one was addicting enough.

But, I finally caved, and got a profile to see what it was all about.

Um, Best. Decision. Ever. 

I'm already addicted.

Dangerously addicted.

Because, here's the thing:
Not only does pinterest allow me to browse endlessly random things I'm interested in, 

But it lets me organize everything I like into folders.

Stumbleupon does not do that. 

So, I created my account yesterday.

I already have 13 boards & 122 pins.

But my guess is that's not uncommon.

Because this site is awesome.

I think I like it so much because it feeds my addiction of two things:

ONE: Recipes.

TWO: Fantasizing about the future.

So what are my two biggest boards I've created?
Recipes (Well, technically it's four different boards: Appetizers, Snacks, & Side Dishes, Breakfast, Dinner, & Dessert) and "For the Kiddies"

I don't know when I became obsessed with collecting recipes, but lately, I can't get enough of the food network, and I crave to have my own kitchen to mess around in. I know have a place where I can collect, store, and organize even more recipes. 

And I've always loved fantasizing about the future! About babies, about life with Thomas, about becoming a teacher, about our future home. And I have boards now for all those categories! Teehee.

So find me on pinterest!
Follow my pins!
And if you don't have a profile, well let me know because you need an invite - you need to check this site out!

I love this site.

Why did it take me so long to cave?
Who knows.

But I am officially addicted.

And in love.

What a Beautiful Spring

I'm in a bit of a conundrum with my feelings these days.

Here's the thing:

Winter here, well, it's been basically nonexistent. 

There's zero snow on the ground.

Zero.

And the average temp is in the forties.

Yesterday it hit 50.

Right now it's 49 with the projected high to hit 51.

Now, in case you're not familiar with Minnesota winters, allow me a moment to explain.

It's mid-January.

That means, this time during the average year, 

We are sitting somewhere below zero...and that's without the windchill.

With windchill, it can to negative twenties, thirties, even forties. 

We should have a couple feet of snow of the ground.

Instead, it feels like spring every day.

I go places with just a sweatshirt.

I never have to scrape my car.

Driving isn't a hazard.

There's no slipping on ice.

There's no need for five layers of clothing and mittens to take a five minute drive.

It's been so incredibly nice.

So what's the conundrum?

I am confused.

I always thought I loved Minnesota winters.

You have to have snow in winter, right?
You have to have a white Christmas, right?

Well, it didn't feel that bad not having snow on Christmas.

And I love not having snow right now.

I have so much more energy. 

The sight of sun, blue sky, and grass is energizing.

It feels like spring is coming, and you have that buzz in the air that the world is going to come alive with green grass & trees & birds at any minute - even though it's not...

I am actually loving this weather.

And not missing winter even a little bit.

So it makes me think...maybe I want to move.

Somewhere where the winters are similar to this.

Somewhere warmer...

Ya know Nicholas Sparks?
Ever read his books?
Well, if not you should.

His books are always romance, and they're always set in the south.

It makes me wish I lived down south.

I think I would love living down south. 

I know I would loooove the food. 

And the music.

And the weather.

Maybe I should live down south...

And then there's country music.
Oh. My. Goodness.

Every time I listen to country music (which is quite often) I wish I was a cowgirl.
I think I'd make a great cowgirl.

I can picture myself in jeans, boots, flannel, and a cowgirl hat sitting up on a horse.

I can just picture days out on the ranch, mountains off in the distance.

I can feel the west in me when I listen to country music.
I would do great living out west too, I know it. 

Anywho, just a thought.

This whole weather situation's really been playing with my head.

Maybe some day we really move.

But then again, I can't imagine being away from family.

I want my kids to grow up with their grandparents.

Welp, for right now, I'm going to sit back, relax, and enjoy this lovely spring we're having. 

Pillow Talk

So I am pretty sure I've said it before, but the best thing about being married? Never have to leave him. Getting to fall asleep next to him every night and waking up to him every morning. It's just wonderful.

But last night I got to thinking.

I think there is one thing I love more than that.

Pillow talk.


Every night we go to bed, we lay in bed and talk.
It's inevitable. 
No matter how tired either of us are, 
No matter how early either of us need to be up the next morning,
We always lay and talk.
And I don't just mean "talk" talk.
I mean, like silly, playful, goofy, serious, random, all sorts of kind of talk.
Mostly silly. And playful. And random.


Lying face to face, arms and legs entangled,
we talk about anything and everything.
We laugh. Loudly.
We have tickling fights.
And we kiss.
And we cuddle.
And we fall asleep in the middle of a conversation.
Well, that's definitely more me than him.


I love the pillow talk.
We talk about religion.
And babies.
And friends.
And life.
And food.
And games.
And work.
And school.
And everything in between.


I just love the pillow talk.
It's the best part of my day, every day.

God's Greatest Artwork

The indescribable beauty of a sunset or sunrise will never cease to amaze me, will never cease to always take my breath away. 

God's greatest artwork.

Well Hello 2012!

So I got pretty dang excited when I logged onto Blogger and was looking at my main page. 

I have hit 20,00 views on my blog!
In fact, I'm well over 20,000!
I'm at like 21,500!
It made me pretty dang happy!
So thank you to all of you who actually take the time to read about my shenanigans.

But that's not what I wanted to blog about today.

Today is the second day of the New Year.

I hope you all had a wonderful New Year's Eve, full of celebrations, laughter, and fun! And I hope the first two days of your 2012 have been splendid!

As for me, my second day in the new year hasn't been all that exciting...

how did I spend my day?
Working my butt off to finally get all settled in to our new home.

And I can now say I am {officially} all moved in, the basement cleaned & looking spiffy!

The only thing left to do is finish the little details - the decorations!
I'm waiting for pictures from our wedding to come in, so I can fill the many, many, many beautiful frames we got for the wedding and they can be hung around our home. 

It's starting to really feel cozy & homey!
As soon as all the final touches are finished, I will definitely be posting some pictures!

Now, back to the new year: 2012.

I'm not one who gets all excited for the new year.

Sure, New Year's Eve parties are always a hoot, 

but I'm not big on resolutions or anything like that. 

But this year is different.

I am beyond pumped for 2012.

I just have this really warm fuzzy great feeling that 2012 is going to be [the] year.

I have a couple of important life milestones that I hope to accomplish in the upcoming year, and that's what makes me so excited for it. 

So, here's my goals for the year:

1. Start my career as a teacher.

I start my student teaching in three weeks, and I am super pumped. 

And, hopefully, when all is said and done, come this summer, I will have a real (and yes, paid!) teaching job. Even if it's just subbing.

2. Honeymoon with my Hunnie

This summer, Thomas and I will hopefully have time to go on our honeymoon. After student teaching and working at Target at the same time, a nice romantic and relaxing honeymoon this summer will be perfect timing. 

3. Buy our First House

Once I finish school, and Thomas and I know more about where my career is headed, we will hopefully begin looking for our first home together, and hopefully be able to buy our house before 2013 comes knocking on our door! We want to start off in a little townhome. Tom's dream is to build our dream house once he has a full time job, so hopefully someday we'll be able to do that!

4. Be Sealed in the Temple to my Husband

Next December, Thomas and I will be sealed in the St. Paul LDS Temple to become husband and wife for time and all eternity - not just until death parts us. 

5. Have a Bun in my Oven

By the end of next year, I hope to be pregnant with our first child. If all goes to plan (which it never actually seems to do), I'll have a full-time job, we'll be settling into our first home, and our first baby will be on its way!

So! That is my ideal 2012!

I'll be keeping ya'll posted on how it goes! 

So stayed tuned!