Always Waiting

I used to make jokes about my baby fever.

Well, now I still make jokes.

But there's a seriousness behind it all.

I ache for a baby.

Seriously.

I see babies, and my heart aches for Thomas & I to be parents.

I know it's too soon.

I know we can't afford to start a family yet,

but I think that's what makes the ache stronger.

I know now isn't the time,

but how much more time?

I'm tired of waiting.

Always waiting.

Two years through high school.

Four years through college.

Two years of a mission completely apart.

After nearly six years of waiting, we finally got married.

Now we're waiting for a home.

Waiting to be able to buy a puppy.

Waiting to be able to have a baby.

Waiting for Thomas to get a better job.

Waiting for the both of us to finish school.

Waiting to become a real teacher.

Always waiting.


When I talk to someone about it, 
I get the "We told you you got married too soon."
"You should have waited until you were done with school."
"Or you could afford a house."


But why wait?
We're madly in love.
And dying to be together after so much time apart.
And I think we made the right choice.
I'm so happy we got married as soon as we did.
Because in my mind, it wasn't soon.
It wasn't fast.
We went through a lot to get to this point.
But now what?
More waiting.
*sigh*
I shouldn't complain.
I am so blessed.
We have such a blessed life.
And I love this time we have together just the two of us.
I treasure it.
I relish in it every day.
But I long for a baby in my arms.
I long to be a mother.
I literally ache.


I see others my age with a baby, and I grow jealous.
And I hate feeling jealous of others.
Hate. It.
I watch mothers come to work with their babies all day, 
and I love cooing at them and playing with them in line, 
but it makes my heart ache.
I walk through the store holding Tom's hand, 
and we walk past the baby aisles,
and my eyes sting as I seriously fight back tears.
It feels like forever until we'll be ready to start our family.


I know our time will come to be parents.
And I'm sure it will actually be here before we know it.
So I just gotta suck it up for now.
And remember the blessings I already have in my life. 


Besides, let's be honest.
If there's one thing I'm a pro at, 
It's waiting for what I want most.