Benjamin's Birth: Pt. 4

Benjamin arrived at the new hospital at about 9:45 that morning.

Thomas and I were finally able to leave our hospital at about 1:00, and got to North Memorial at about 1:30.

The nurses could tell I was itching to get to my son, so they just took me to my room and brought me down to the NICU right away - they waited to assess me and do my vitals until after I got to visit my baby boy.

Remember this picture: 

My sweet little Benjamin back at the Maple Grove Hospital, hooked up to all sorts of monitors, machines, and wires. 

But when we got to the NICU at North Memorial Hospital, we got to see our little peanut just like this:

Many less wires, machines, and monitors.

What a sight to see!!

The nurses explained to us that after Benjamin had been at this hospital for only ten minutes, they took him off the breathing machine to see how he would do on his own - and he did perfectly! Our little peanut no longer needed to be on breathing assistance.

The nurses explained he would still need to be a here a few days: he needed to be monitored, he was still on antibiotics, he was feeding through an IV so we had to introduce milk and get him to feed consistently, and a couple other things on the agenda.

We prayed fervently, and implored others to pray with us. 

Thomas and his dad gave Benjamin a priesthood blessing before he was transported to the second hospital.

The power of prayer is amazing.

The Lord heard our pleas.
Benjamin improved by leaps and bounds.

The nurses were so impressed. 

Originally, we were told he would need to stay in the NICU for about a week.

By day three, he was well enough to be out of the NICU and stay in our room with us.

On day four, he came home with us. 

And our life will never be the same...

It's incredible, this love I have for my son.

It's still weird to say that: my son.

I hold him in my arms, and my heart just swells.

It's such a different emotion than anything I've ever felt before. 

It's a different kind of love than I have for Thomas, or my parents, or anyone else.

I feel fiercely devoted to Benjamin.

I yearn to give him the world, to be his everything. 

His little hand wraps around my finger, and I cry tears of joy at this little miracle in my arms.

He looks at me with those beautiful eyes, and I feel he's looking at my heart - I feel so connected to him, and my heart swells with the desire to give him anything, to never let him feel any pain. 

He sleeps in my arms, and I promise myself I will never let him doubt my love for him.

I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. 

I have the man of my dreams at my side, and a sweet baby boy in my arms.

I feel captivated in this life, like I'm drifting in a dream.

Benjamin's birth did not go according to plan, and we had a lot of roadblocks.

There was heart ache, tears shed, and prayers whispered.

But the end outcome was the greatest blessing we could have asked for.

Thomas and I have a healthy, beautiful baby boy.

Our little family is together, happy, and overflowing with love. 

Life is beautiful.

Sure, we're exhausted.

Sure, we feel like we don't know what we're doing half the time.

But, we thank the Lord every night for this wonderful life, this wonderful blessing, our wonderful, beautiful little peanut...

Benjamin's Birth: Pt. 3

I had pictured and daydreamed about the moment Benjamin would come into this world forever:
Benjamin entering the world, the nurses putting him on my chest right away, skin to skin, with Thomas by our side, kissing my forehead, and all of us together - one little brand new happy family.

That's not how it went at all...

Benjamin came into this world so fast...too fast. 

His heart rate was in trouble and his lungs weren't working. 

He wasn't crying.

When I finally heard that beautiful cry telling me he was alive, it was a quick wail, then silence. 

I knew something was wrong.

I didn't get to experience my fantasy, my daydream.

Benjamin did not come to my chest. 

We did not get to do skin to skin.

We did not get to sit together as a happy new family, Thomas covering us with kisses, tears of joy flowing freely. 

They took him away from me right away.
I didn't get to hold him.
I barely even saw his face. 
They had him in my room a few minutes as they checked him over.
Then they broke the news: 
He wasn't breathing well, and they needed to take him to the NICU.

My heart sank.
With tears streaming down my face, they brought him to my bedside for a moment, and I got to touch his hand and tell him "I love you" before they whisked him away.
Thomas comforted me for a while, then went to the NICU to be with Benjamin.
He came back soon after with an update: 
Benjamin was needing help keeping his lungs open to breath. 
The nurses were going to hook him up to a machine and watch him for an hour. 
If he didn't improve in an hour, he would need to be admitted as a NICU patient. 

Thomas kept going back and forth between the NICU and my delivery room - the doctor was still working on me and I wasn't able to leave yet.
Our parents arrived in a matter of minutes.

Another update:
Benjamin needed to stay in the NICU.
But there wasn't room in the Maple Grove NICU - he needed to be transported to North Memorial in Robbinsdale. 
The worst part: They didn't have room for me at Robbinsdale - I would need to stay in Maple Grove.
I was a hot mess.
Are you kidding me!?!
You're telling me my brand new baby boy is struggling to breath, and you're going to take him away from me?!?!
I was livid - and scared, and worried, and anxious, and feeling like the most helpless person on the planet.

FINALLY, I was able to go to the NICU to really see my son for the first time.
Oh goodness, what a sight.
You hear about the NICU, you even see pictures of babies in the NICU, but nothing prepares you for when it's your own little peanut hooked up to all sorts of machines...

You never think it's going to be you sitting next to those little plastic beds. 

I sat with Benjamin as the nurses worked around us, and we waited for the transportation to arrive to take my baby away. 
They came, and I lost it.
I bawled as I signed the forms releasing my only hours-old little boy to be transported to a different hospital than me.
Thomas was going to be going with Benjamin, I would have my parents. 
All I kept thinking was, "This is not how it's supposed to go."
All I wanted was to hold my sweetie pie and let him know everything was going to be okay.

Just as they were starting to load him into the carrier, my nurse hurried into the NICU exclaiming: "We have a room for you!! You can go too!!"
If possible, I started crying even harder. 
I was going to get to be with my son!!

Benjamin was born at 6:45am. 
He was transported shortly after 9am.
I couldn't leave at the same time as him: after the craziness of the morning, my pulse and blood pressure were all over the place, I was feeling nauseous and dizzy, so I had to stay and get my vitals steady and eat a meal...but there was a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel....

Benjamin's Birth: Pt. 2

So. We decided to break my water. 

It was 6:00am.

It didn't hurt, really didn't even feel a thing.

Quick and painless. 

Dr. Mirau wished me good luck, and left, both of us thinking we wouldn't see the other again...

My next contraction came about two minutes after she broke my waters.

It was about 10 times more intense than any of my previous contractions. 

It caught me so off guard!

A minute later I was having another incredibly tense contraction.

I couldn't catch my breath, and doubled over in the bed. 

Within minutes, I moved from standing and walking through my contractions and having conversations with Thomas and Jamie (my nurse), to unable to breath or even sit up for the contractions. 

A few minutes after that, I was screaming.

Literally, SCREAMING, with each contraction.

And also crying.

I broke down crying to Thomas, sobbing about how I couldn't do it: I needed an epidural.

Then another contraction came.

I stopped crying for an epidural and began screaming for one. 
I said, "If this is the pain at FOUR centimeters, there is NO way I can go any more."

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't focus. 

The contractions were SO intense, so close together, and SO out of NOWHERE!

Thomas was fighting with me to get me to breathe (I was hyperventilating), the nurse was trying to help him, and all I could do was scream and cry and curl up in a ball on the bed. 

In the few seconds between contractions, I just sobbed. 

Poor Thomas started crying too.
When I asked him why, he said he was prepared for me to scream at him about how much I hate him - not prepared for my sobs of pain. 
He said he felt helpless and wanted to take my pain away. 
Have I mentioned before how much I love my husband?
He's such a sweetheart. 
Anywho...

They hooked me up to an IV - I needed to have an IV for 20 minutes before I could get an epidural. 
In the meantime, as the liquids coursed through me, I cried to Thomas and just about broke his fingers.
There was no letting up.

Then it happened.
I started screaming that I needed to push. 
Thomas and the nurse started frantically trying to calm me down - I was only at 4cm, NO pushing!!
I was screaming and crying, telling Thomas I was scared - I knew pushing would hurt the baby, but I couldn't NOT push. 

The nurse paged the doctor back, and she immediately checked my cervix: I was definitely not at a four - I had gone all the way to 9cm in a matter of minutes. 
No wonder I felt I needed an epidural and wanted to push...

In another minute, I was fully dilated to 10cm - and finally able to push.
And this is the point the anesthesiologist decides to come in for my epidural...
Too late.
Grrr....
The doctor needed to use the vaccuum because Benjamin's heart rate was dropping because the labor was progressing too fast, so he needed to come out as fast as possible. 

I pushed for 15 minutes before Benjamin finally made his debut.
And it's true what they say about labor: as soon as the baby is delivered, all the pain instantly goes away. Instantly.

I had pictured and daydreamed about the moment Benjamin would come into this world forever:
Benjamin entering the world, the nurses putting him on my chest right away, skin to skin, with Thomas by our side, kissing my forehead, and all of us together - one little brand new happy family.

That's not how it went at all...

(To be continued...)

Benjamin's Birth: Pt. 1

My oh my, what a whirlwind the past four days have been!

Such an exhilarating, exhausting, joyful, crazy, and wonderful experience.

Let's start with how it all began, shall we?

It was Friday afternoon, September 13.

I had been having my usual contractions throughout the day, although they were a little different; they were more "crampy" than usual.

I didn't pay much attention though, because we had an OB appointment in the afternoon, and they still weren't regular or anything. 

At our appointment, I was still only 1cm - the same as I had measured at Tuesday's appointment. 

Nothing had changed, I didn't think anything would change.

I headed back to work and then Thomas and I went to dinner with my parents after work. 

Throughout dinner I kept having those painful contractions and I noticed they were happening more frequently.

But I convinced myself they meant nothing and ignored them.

Once we got home from dinner, I mentioned to Thomas that I had been having crampy, painful contractions all day, and we decided maybe we better start paying attention to how often they were coming...

So we played some cards and watched the clock. 

At first they were about 30 minutes, but they quickly decreased to 20 minutes apart. 

After our card game (I won of course!) we decided maaaaybe we should pack the snack bag, gather our chargers & electronics, and have everything together juuuust in case...
We also had some fun taking pictures of my belly.

Just in case it really was my last night with Benjamin nestled in my belly...

I went to bed at about 11:00 with the contractions still about 20 minutes apart...

...It was about 1:15 when I woke up to a painful contraction. 

Thomas was still awake, sitting on his computer job hunting. 

I sat in bed timing my contractions that were becoming more and more painful, and killing the time on Pinterest. :) 

Thomas came in about 2:00am, surprised to see me sitting up in bed. 

I told him: the contractions were about 4 1/2 minutes apart!!!

Decided to time them another half hour before I called the doctor.

At about 2:30, I called and got the okay to head over to the hospital!

We arrived at Maple Grove Hospital at about 3:00am. 
We sat in the triage room for over an hour while they measured my cervix and kept me hooked up to a monitor to watch my contractions and Benjamin's behavior. 
I was 3cm!! I was shocked! I was just 1cm at the OB a few hours ago! 
Crazy.
FINALLY, over two hours after my arrival, the nurse said: "This is it. Let's get you to a delivery room!"
YAY!!! This was a moment I had waited so long for! We would be meeting our little baby boy in a matter of hours. 
Now, at the time, we were thinking some time in the evening after dinner...
...Ha. Yeah, right...

We got settled into a room, my contractions were about 3 minutes apart and growing stronger.
I was still in a great mood though, and able to have fun...so we decided to start taking pictures to document this wonderful experience!

 At 6am, the doctor, Dr. Mirau, had come by to introduce herself, stating, "I am off at 7, so I won't be delivering your baby, but I thought I'd introduce myself anyway and see how you're doing."
SURPRISE. She did deliver Benjamin.
But we'll get to that part later...

After talking a minute, she checked me and we learned I had only grown 1cm in 3 hours. Dr. Mirau suggested that if I wanted, we could break my bag of waters and that might help get the labor moving. She stressed "might."
I thought sure, why not?
It has to break at some point, right?
Bad. Idea.

(To be continued...dun dun dun...)