Oh, the life

Oh to be a missionary's girl. It is quite the life. Some days a beautiful gift, others an incredibly long nightmare you can't wake up from. And the latter is what it feels like most of the time. Unfortunately. Life as a missionary's girl is very much a rollercoaster.

It's starts on his Pday. A missionary's Pday (short for prep day - I think...) is their day to get things done. It's the day they write letters and emails amongst other fun things like go golfing, or bowling, or play sports. So, that's the highest point of the rollercoaster, the tip of the hill. Pdays are when you get to log onto your email and see his name in your inbox, and your heart flutters and the world stops - for the three minutes it takes you to read it. Then it hits you like a brick wall: that's all you get. For another week, those three minutes, that page, those words - that's all you get.

Unless you get a letter midweek. The letters are awesome, and you live off those letters. Words cannot explain the excitement and anticipation you feel every day you run to the mailbox with your fingers crossed and your heart racing hoping against all hope there will be an enveloped covered in his writing waiting for you. And when there isn't one, and you were really dependent on there being one, it is completely disheartening. Your heart sinks to your stomach and you just mumble to yourself: "Maybe tomorrow..."

When you are reading his letters and emails, you feel every emotion so strongly. You are filled with happiness, excitement, pride, sadness, love, longing. You hear his voice as you read, you can feel the passion he has, the excitement, and the joy he feels. You are more connected in those minutes you read his letters than at any other moment. It's as if he's right there speaking to you himself. You survive off of those letters, those words.

As much happiness and joy the mission brings you, and as close as you grow to your missionary, with the bright comes the dark. There are days where you don't want to get out of bed. You don't want to paint a smile on your face. You don't want to hold back the tears. There are days where you question what the heck you're doing, and if you really can make it all two years. You get lonely and depressed. You miss everything about him, your very best friend. You miss having him to talk to, to laugh with, to hold, to kiss, to play with, to be silly and have fun with. You miss everything. And it's as if you can truly feel a physical hole in your chest, a pain in your heart.

Those days don't happen often, but they do happen. And maybe, just maybe, you question if it's worth it. You start to doubt everything. You question if the amazing memories you have really were that amazing, or if your mind is exaggerating. You question if he really does love you as much as you feel he does, or if your heart is exaggerating. You worry if he's changing or if you're changing. Will your relationship really be the same when he comes home? You don't know who to turn to. Who would understand your doubts? Your fears? Your pains? That's the low of the rollercoaster, the bottom of the hill.

But then his Pday rolls around again, and you find your heart racing as you log into your email account. And those doubts and fears and pains you felt during that week, they all fade away. And the joy, happiness, and giddy feelings return. Your heart swells again with pride and love for this amazing man in your life. This amazing man who is so strong and has such an unshakable faith, that he is dedicating two years of his life to serving the Lord. And not only is he receiving amazing blessings because of it, but you get to have an amazing experience with him. You both get to grow stronger in your faith and much stronger in your relationship. If as a couple you can make it through a mission, you can do anything together.