I feel stuck. Like the world around me is moving fast-paced and I'm just sitting there, stuck. Ya know, like in movies? Where there's the character just standing there, and the camera moves around them and all the people moving in the background is a total blur? Yup. That's my life at the moment. Or so it feels anyway. And it makes me feel blah. Very blah. I hate waiting. Hate it.
It seems like everyone else I know is moving forward with their lives. They are dating, getting engaged, planning weddings, getting married, starting families. It's all totally normal. That's the age I'm at now. People get married and start their lives. They move forward. That's what happens. Only that's not happening to me.
I get to listen to date stories from other people. I get to be excited about other people's engagement while I "ooh" and "ahh" over other women's engagement rings. I get to help other people plan their weddings. I get to go to other people's bridal showers, and bachlorette parties, and other people's weddings. I get to watch everyone else around me move forward.
I don't get to plan my wedding yet. I've been with Thomas over four years and we're not even close to that point in our lives. We still have a whole flippin' year till we're even back together! Okay, it's a little less than a year now, but still. I have a year until my life gets to start moving again. I'm stuck. Frozen in time. I don't even get new dating stories. I don't get to make new memories of us together.
I truly do love hearing about stuff. I don't mean to sound bitter. I love hearing my friends getting engaged or dating a new boyfriend or girlfriend. I love "oohing" and "ahhing" over engagement rings. I love going to bridal showers. I really do love it. But I get jealous. I get jealous and bitter that I have to wait. I've been waiting for forever it seems and I still have forever more to keep waiting. And it makes me bitter. At least this moment, right now, it makes me bitter.
It's Tom's 13 month mark today. That's a big day. Today marks the point where we've been apart more months than we have left to go. It's truly all downhill from here. And next month marks the point when I can count down the months left on my fingers. And the month after that marks when we're in single digits for months left to go. And the month after that marks the point where we're 2/3 of the way done and only 1/3 left to go. The upcoming months are big milestones. And I'm excited. That's what I get to be excited about. Not about a date with my Thomas, or our engagement, or our wedding. I get to be excited about waiting. *sigh*
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