Thursday, December 16, 2010

No Longer a Yo-Yo

I'm not important to you. I thought I was, but I am discovering how very wrong I was.

I am not on the inside, though it use to seem that way. That was just ignorance, perhaps me being naive, to think that. I clearly see now that in fact, I am very much on the outside.

It's a dumb game we play, putting on this facade. Let's just admit it: it's all fake.

Maybe it wasn't fake at one point; maybe it just changed one day (or perhaps through the course of time). Or maybe it was never what it seemed in the first place.

Sometimes it feels like cat and mouse. One day I feel in, the next out. I feel like a yo-yo, constantly swung back and forth, up and down, in and out. When it's convenient for you, I'm in. When it's not, I'm out.

It's this dumb little back and forth thing. You think I don't notice, but I do. I just choose to not let it affect me. I choose to pretend that everything is okay, because life is short, so why stress about it?

But ya know what? I think I'm done pretending. I'm done wasting my time on you. This time I'm the one leaving you. And I am not coming back. I am not your yo-yo anymore.

For the first time in my life, I am not going to be a pushover. For the first time in my life, I am standing up for myself: and man, does it feel good.

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