One of Those Days

You know those days where you're just like super pissy and you don't know why? Where you just wanna lock yourself in your room so that nobody bothers you, or so that you don't have to pretend to be happy when you're not? I hate those days. Today has been one of those days.

I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to do anything. I just wanna be left alone to wallow in my own self pity. To be angry and annoyed and frustrated and hurt and upset and sad all at once and have nobody judge me. I want to sit my pajamas all day with a pint of ice cream cuddled under my covers watching Grey's Anatomy. I don't want to deal with professors, with residents, with staff members, with homework, with friends, with family, with anything. I wanna shut the world out and just be left alone.

I get kinda sick of always being seen as the peppy one, or the bright and shiney one, or the one that "shits rainbows."  Sure, I do want to be remembered as the girl that was always smiley, but sometimes I feel like I am soo much that person, that it's not acceptable for me to be otherwise. So the days I feel like shit for no reason, I just bottle it up and pretend everything's okay. And I am fine with that, most of the time. I don't want people to see me crying or angry or pissy or whatever. I want to be happy all the time and live life to the fullest. I don't want to live life pissed off at nothing. Only problem is, it would be great if I had at least one person I could let my gaurd down...other than Tom of course, because he's not exactly an option for me to run to anymore when I feel this way.

Sure, I have certain people where I feel like I could go to them to fall apart, but I don't know, I just don't like people seeing me this way. I don't want to be seen this way. I don't mind writing about it cuz, well, it's writing. You read it, you don't see it. But for some reason, I just can't allow myself to fall apart infront of people, even the people I trust most. It's a rather annoying trait of mine.

Anywho, I don't really have anything to write about...only stuff to complain about. I figured since I don't have Thomas to run to and have cheer me up, I would just write and let it all out on here instead. So if you wasted your time reading this rather bitter post, I apologize. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.