Questions Answered

So my past couple posts have elicited quite a few questions and comments from a lot of people. First off, I wanna say thanks to everyone who actually reads this! haha...it's nice knowing what I write isn't just sitting out in the middle of nowhere. So since I've been asked so many questions about the posts, I've decided to answer some of those questions and explain things a bit more for everyone. So here ya go!

1. How can you feel so doubtful about everything one day and so assured the next?

This whole "figuring things out" phase wasn't an overnight thing. Yes, the two posts were only like two days apart or so, but the questions, the doubts, the poor choices - those have been for weeks and weeks. Probably a good two months. It just so happens that after I finally wrote what I was going through, I had an "epiphany" and figured things out.

2. Why did you start drinking in the first place if it was against your religion?

Becoming Mormon has had a huge effect on my life. It was a major life decision and it changed a lot of things in my life. When I started questioning everything after Tom's marriage comment, I wondered what I was giving up. I wondered what my life would be like if I wasn't Mormon. So I started living as if I wasn't Mormon. I started drinking, stopped going to Mormon church and would go to Catholic mass with my family. I felt I needed to experience the other side of life to make sure I was making the right decision in being Mormon because I started having doubts.

3. Are you not drinking anymore because of Tom? So he will marry you?

I've decided I don't want to drink anymore because I don't like the lifestyle. My Mormon life, compared to the life I was living the past couple months, was a million times better. A life with alcohol would mean a life without the Mormon church, and I have decided I don't want that. I can't explain the feeling one gets when in a Mormon church, or at the temple. It is indescribable, and it is something I miss dearly. Without it, my life is emptier. And yes, I chose to stop drinking partly because of Tom too. In addition to wanting and needing the church in my life, I very much want and need Thomas in my life. I don't know if Thomas will still want to be with me after he finds out about "my phase," but I can only hope.

4. Does this mean you're not worried about your relationship with Tom anymore?

I still very much worry about Tom coming home. Even without this "cloud" hanging over our relationship, I would be worried. I worry things are different. But I've realized that there's really no point in worrying because I won't know anything until he comes home. So I can allow myself now to be nothing but excited - which I VERY VERY much am! - because I am hoping against all hope that when my Thomas comes home to me, life will return to bliss.

5.  If you were having doubts about the Mormon faith, what made those doubts disappear?

I don't know how to explain it other than it was like an epiphany - and yes, I'm aware that sounds cheesey. But it's true. I was sitting in bed after my latest night out on the town, thinking over the nights events, and it just hit me. I didn't like this life. I missed my old life. I missed living the Mormon faith. And then I sat there thinking about it, and why I missed it. So why? Because I know the church is true. I love Mormonism. I believe in it with my whole heart. I believe President Thomas Monson is a living prophet of God on the earth today. I believe Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I believe the Book of Mormon is divine, true holy scripture. I believe families can be sealed together for eternity in the temple. I believe Jesus Christ is my Savior and He loved me so much that He died so I could live forever with my Father in Heaven.

So those are the answers to the questions I've received the most since my latest posts. Now you know even more about me, my mountain I've been climbing, and my "epiphany". If you have anything else you want to know about my latest life experiences and decisions, shoot me an email or message or phone call or text. You know I'm friendly and open and will answer anything you wanna know. :)